Let’s be honest: the news is a soul-sucking black hole of despair. It’s like a daily reminder that humanity is collectively riding a unicycle on a tightrope over a pit of lava, and we’re all just hoping the clown in charge doesn’t sneeze. I, for one, can only stomach about two minutes of headlines before I’m ready to yeet my phone into the sun. As long as the sky is still blue, birds are still dive-bombing freshly washed cars with military precision, and gravity hasn’t given up on us yet, I’m good.

So, what do I do instead of doomscrolling? I dive headfirst into the cesspool of distractions: reels, TikTok, and YouTube. These platforms are like the junk food of the internet—deliciously addictive but guaranteed to rot your brain. And let’s be real, they’re also a breeding ground for some of the stupidest shit humanity has ever produced.

When I’m not doomscrolling or watching people do dumb things for clicks, I’m writing. Currently, I’m editing a thriller about a forensic expert who moonlights as an assassin. (Because why not? Who doesn’t love a little murder with their science?) Writing, my friends, is escapism on steroids. Unlike movies, where you’re stuck in someone else’s plot, writing lets you play God. I create worlds, people, places, and scenarios. I can make someone fall in love, get hit by a bus, or both—because I’m the boss.

But editing? Editing is like one of those adult coloring books that are supposed to be relaxing but actually make you want to set the whole thing on fire. It’s tedious, it’s boring, and it requires a level of self-control I simply do not possess. Which is why I keep getting distracted by—you guessed it—stupid shit.

Let’s talk about reels for a second. My God, this is the armpit of society, and I say that with love. Case in point: there’s this girl—no, woman—who has a pet scorpion. Yes, you read that right. A pet scorpion. She proudly shows off this venomous little nightmare, holding up its log like it’s a goddamn trophy, and proceeds to explain how it eats, how poisonous it is, and—wait for it—warns people not to pet it.

No shit, Sherlock. Who in their right mind is out here trying to cuddle a scorpion? “Oh, look at my adorable little murder bug! Isn’t he just the cutest?” No, Karen, he’s not. He’s a living fossil with a stinger that could ruin your whole week.

Let’s take a moment to appreciate the irony here. The word “pet” comes from the Scottish Gaelic word “peata,” which means “tame animal” or “companion.” In what f*cking world does a scorpion fit that definition? Unless you’re cuddling it, stroking it, or teaching it to fetch, it’s not a pet. It’s a red flag with legs.

Fun Fact: Scorpions Glow (and They’re Everywhere)

Now, I live in a place where scorpions are not a novelty—they’re a nuisance. They’re everywhere. I take a blacklight out at night to hunt them because, fun fact, they glow under UV light. It’s like a rave, but instead of dancing, you’re trying not to get stung. And no, I don’t pet them. Once you’ve stepped on one barefoot, you’ll understand why. Spoiler alert: it’s not a pleasant experience.

So, that’s where I’m at with my book, Stupid Shit. It’s coming along nicely, fueled by my fascination with words, my disdain for scorpions, and my love of calling out the ridiculousness of the world. If you want to stay updated on my blogs, book releases, or just want to laugh at the absurdity of life, sign up for my email list.

And as always, have a nice day! Or don’t. I’m not your mom.