Month: March 2013

Technology, the Good the Bad and the Ugly

As someone who makes a living either by designing systems or complete data centers or managing or servicing same, I probably am more in tune with technology than the normal folk. That is not bragging, it is simply stating facts.

The other day while I was in the super market, upon checking out there was two long lines, waiting to check out. Employees could be seen wandering by, looking at the lines and then continuing on their way. This was a major chain grocery store.

The longest line was for the automated kiosk. As there were long lines of folks with overflowing carts at the one “regular” cashier I opted for the kiosk.

While I could go on about how we are loosing touch with our customers using things like kiosk, and lets face it the internet; kiosk in a grocery store are a mistake. While waiting my turn to “check out” , there was one middle aged lady wondering around from kiosk to kiosk, as the red light on top of each one blinked on a few second apart. That is not fair to the customer and certainly a terrible job for the lady. I personally vote with my feet.

There are too many different items and some are not even in the system. When the normal cashier has to obtain help, “price check” what do they expect us to do? “They” don’t care. They are saving the salaries of 4 employees, while getting you to do their work.

Other technology which is problematic is automated machines that call you. It is bad enough to call a company and have to “listen closely to our menu as our menu items have changed.” Weaving my way through automated machines or IVR’s, when I need customer service, just adds gasoline to the fire; and I install this stuff!

Now we have a constant stream of calls on a daily basis from an automated outgoing IVR trying to sell us something or “hold on for an important message!” The only positive to this is; I don’t really feel so bad hanging up on a machine. The problem with hanging up is that it simply puts your number back into the queue and calls you another time.

Technology replaces people, workers. There is a glut of un-employed people in this country and there is a plethora of new technology taking their place. While no businessman starts a business because he wants to employ people; employees are a necessary “evil,” or are they?

Technology also strips away our rights as citizens to expect some modicum of privacy. From backscatter radiation machines at the airport removing your clothes, to the “no warrant needed” to be wire tapped by just about anyone that wants to.

Some graduating high school kids ask me what I thought they should major in. I pointed them towards the medical field as I don’t see a kiosk doing this. There are of course in the works ways to contact a doctor over “Skype” or other such network. There is no telling what part of the world the call will go and as far as privacy, who knows. How does a doctor from 3000 miles away palpate your abdomen?

Lastly, I want to touch briefly on Drones. I find it inconceivable that we can be watched in more places than ever before. Cameras at every street corner with facial biometric ability to track whoever “they” want to is a little spooky. Law enforcement with remote control drones that they can fly over any place that they deem of interest and “look” down as to the goings on, possibly in your back yard or through your window.

It is not just law enforcement that has these but private citizens have them as well. Currently they are a bit pricey but as the technology becomes more accessible, the prices will come down enough so eventually the pimple faced kid next door will have the ability to fly a camera outside your window, or over your pool.

There are cameras on these drones that have such a high rate of magnification, they can see into your open window from blocks away and tell how many freckles you have on your bottom. There are also FLIR “infrared” cameras that can see heat signatures so you are not even safe to skinny dip in the dark of night!

Google has already proven that you really have no right to expect privacy in your own back yard as the satellite views of neighborhoods and so forth have been littered with people nude sunbathing.

Military drones are equipped with technology that from 17,500 feet can tell what kind, and color of the clothes that you are wearing. The drones for “use over the US,” are to be equipped with technology to tell if you are armed or, electronic surveillance of your cell phone.

If one wanted to get “off the grid” as it were, one would have to live like a caveman with no technology what so ever. Maybe we should find the Sasquatch and find out how they do it.

We are an overly litigious society and perhaps this is one law suite that needs to be fought, if for no other reason than to shine the spot light on a situation that is quickly coming upon us and will get out of hand in no time. I happen to believe that you do have a right to privacy in your home, your back yard, and if you own a lot of land, there too. Law abiding citizens should not have to worry about this sort of thing. I also happen to believe that any branch of law enforcement should be required to obtain a warrant before any type of wire tap, or flying some sort of camera over or around your property. We live in a new age and Orwell may have just missed it by thirty years.

-Best to you and those that you care about.

Social intercourse vs. Sexual Intercourse

Here in America our mores dictate that we must “own” the other person in order to enjoy them. By enjoy them I mean, enjoy their company, their wit, their laughter, the thing that makes them unique; possibly a giggle or some other affectation that you find appealing.

We choose our friends, we choose our mates; where is that line drawn between social intercourse and sexual intercourse?

While sexual intercourse “should be” one of the most intimate acts that we share as a people, somehow we have mixed that up with social intercourse. While one might lead to the other, I contend that we can enjoy many people on a social level, while maintaining that line between friend and sexual partner. I would also proffer that socially, we can enjoy the company of anyone, man or women in a social setting without setting off alarm bells that we are making a move on them, much like you can love someone and not be “in love” with them.

Clint Eastwood or “Dirty Harry” coined the phrase, “A man’s got to know his limitations.” As we traverse our day to day activities with others, we must be ever mindful of our limitations. Can we be with someone else socially and squelch our feelings or not develop them, in the first place? Much like spending time with your brother and or sister, can you keep it on that level?

MySpace and it’ successor Facebook; added a whole new complexity to social intercourse. Now we look for and find those that we lost contact with many years ago. We wonder what became of them, who they married, are they bald or fat and were they, successful or not. We also conjure up old memories of previous encounters. We speak with them often with a note or a “like” and we look at the pictures that they post, and maybe we wonder “what if?”

I would hazard a guess that Facebook is singularly responsible for more people seeking marital counseling today, than ever before. It may also be responsible for more marital issues than we know about as well. Is it ok to look up past boyfriends or girlfriends?

That answer is unique to you. There is no hard and fast rule on this and here is why. If you were a recovering alcoholic, the last thing that you would do is put yourself into a situation where alcohol is served. You would avoid situations where social drinking was the norm. If alcohol is not an issue for you, than socially drinking most probably will not be an issue. But how do you know? Drink enough and you may develop a problem.

Social intercourse with old friends works the same way. If there is a fear that you might be tempted to want to take it further, than by all means keep that sort of relationship at a distance.

I should point out that Facebook is simply a tool, if the issues that cause marital problems are there, Facebook simply makes it easier, just like people who have an addiction to pornography, the internet simply makes it easier.

I am reminded of the saying, “the grass is always greener.” Folks, men are men and women are women and other than the packaging; we are all pretty much the same. It is certainly ok to meet for dinner or what have you as couples, but just remember that the grass is not greener; and you should go home with the one that you came with. I would offer that you may not want to even do this, if your feelings for that person who you just found again were very strong. “To thine own self be true.”

Seeking a marriage tune-up every now and then is a good idea. In this day of social media, it may even be more germane as we are tempted even more. Most people are too proud to admit that they are growing apart. A lot of people will not even think about this as it is too “touchy feely” for them. Here is the truth about that, a relationship is all about “touchy feely,” and you were most certainly touchy feely at the onset of the relationship. Is it not worth exploring who you are at this point in your life to keep your marriage alive?

The rigors of everyday life wear you down. The routine becomes dull and boring and let’s face it a “rut.” Those who don’t seek help will eventually be easily distracted by an old flame, or perhaps a new one from work or some other place that you frequent, perhaps the gym or the golf course. Mid-life crisis is not only a theme for a movie but, a very real phenomenon.

You are with the person that you are with for a reason. Take some time to remember what attracted you to them, chances are whatever it was, is still there; simply buried under years of “routine.” Shaking the dust off a marriage by a special vacation, bringing home flowers for no reason, or making his favorite meal even though it is a lot of trouble, could be the start of dusting things off. It takes forgiveness, a willingness to save what you have, and the ability to look in the mirror and work on your own issues; and of course effort to try. Sounds a lot like love.. The counselor is simply a mediator to make your time and effort on this journey successful.

The sad truth is that even if you end up rupturing the nuptials, without repairing what is wrong in your life, you will sabotage a new relationship as well.

-Best to you and those that you care about!

Taxes and SEX?

It never ceases to amaze me at the absolute euphoria people exude, when they get their check from the IRS. Everything from a down payment on a new car or furniture or other household trappings are purchased. It maybe money spent towards a vacation, or maybe to pay off some credit card bill that you have had to carry a balance on. They seem to have forgotten that this was their money to begin with and that they are getting a small part of it back!

The parasites are also out to capitalize on your “good fortune” as well. Tax preparation services who only charge a “small percentage” to get you the most back from the “evil” IRS. Then there are the check cashing folks who only charge a “small percentage” to cash your government issued check. While there, the tellers will try and sell you lottery tickets instead of allowing you to take your money and run. There are businesses’ that will cash your check at their store, in hopes that you will buy stuff at their store. My favorite however this year is the “bunny ranch”

Dennis Hof who owns and runs a “legal brothel” in Nevada will cash your government issued checks by trading it for “bunny bucks.” He gives you two bunny bucks for one government dollar (so the story goes) which in today’s economy isn’t a bad trade except of course, the only place to spend bunny bucks is well on “professional services” at his brothel. www.bunnyranch.com

I personally would like (one) bunny buck, just to hang up next to my million dollar “fake bill” as that is what it is worth outside of the ranch. My hats off to his “entrepreneurial spirit.”

If your employer just gave you the money you earned, and then let you settle your taxes every two weeks with the different agencies both state and federal, we might hear a little louder scream from those who think that the government is currently doing a good job. The simple facts are that you never see it, everything happens behind the scenes through the payroll department. Unless you work in that department, you really have no clue how much of your weekly pay is going to someone else. They are simply numbers on a stub. Much like the “Paper or Plastic” article, that I wrote earlier, what you don’t handle you don’t really miss. It doesn’t make that much of an impact!

Consultants often do work that way. They are giving something called a 1099 which reports to the IRS that you were paid X amount of money and by April 15^th they have to come up with everything that is normally taken out of others paychecks and then some as there is the “self employment tax.” I would guess that those folks have a very keen understanding and appreciation of our “tax code.”

If you really want a wake up call, something to stir you inner emotions about the current tax code, do this. Add up all of the taxes and things taken out of your check everyweek. Next time you are at the bank, withdraw that amount, whatever it is and take it home and look at it. Count it a few times. Understand exactly how much you are giving away to “who knows where.” Now multiply that pile of money by 52 if you are a weekly employee and imagine what that pile of money would look like then!

Puts a little different spin on that windfall now doesn’t it. The simple facts are that revising the tax code is long over due. If you really want your head to explode start looking at how the government is spending your money. Really pay attention to where it is going and for what. Protracted wars fighting for people who hate Americans. Green power companies that go bankrupt after using all of the taxpayers money up. Million dollar golf outings to play with Tiger Woods. Sending tanks and aircraft to Egypt, to the Muslim Brotherhood. Who made that deal?

I could be wrong but I think his Ivory tower is so tall, that he really has lost sight of those that he is supposed to be working for. Maybe it is the thin air up there as I remember he had issues with that in Colorado during the 1rst debate.

According to the CCH Standard Tax Reporter, the U.S. tax code began with about 400 pages in 1913. Twenty-six years later there were still only 504 pages, but then it exploded to 8,200 pages by 1945. This blossom of growth was caused in part by finding ways to fund WWII.

It got to over 60,000 pages before the end of the first term of President George W. Bush, and it has now reached over 72,500 pages by the end of the third year of President Barack Obama’s current term of office. Politicians and bureaucrats are consistently adding or modifying this document, making it the monster that it is.

Does this seem like it is getting simpler to you?

In speaking with accountants who know this stuff they are left scratching their heads and searching through new books and guidelines to figure out the correct answer. The only people who can afford to do their own taxes are the people who don’t own a home, possibly rent and have no real property. Folks, we are going the wrong way with laws and taxes.

Every candidate running for office always talks about making it easier, flat tax and so forth and now you can see; that was never the plan. Today we learned that we will be printing $40 Billion a month with no end date. That works out to $1.1 Trillion a year! Feel your money shrinking yet? Wait till bread is $100 a loaf; then maybe the rest of the people will get the message.

-Best to you and those that you care about!

We The People, Man or Sheep and God?

Pondering that phrase for just a moment, one has to ask; just who are these “we the people?”

In order to answer that simple question, one must first know the person in the mirror, who are you? What do you stand for “if anything?” Why do you stand for that? What do you believe and more importantly, why do you believe it?

Frequently I ask people who profess a belief in God, why do you believe that there is a god? (Hint: I just do, is not an answer.)

The issue at the heart of the matter is simply this, if you cannot articulate why you believe in what you believe in, you can be easily manipulated. In fact, if you are a religious person and your faith is not grounded on solid principles and facts, and your understanding of scripture vs what someone tells you; When you most need it, it may not be there. When something happens to shake it, it could very well be shaken! Know why you believe what you believe.

When I ask the simple question “why”, it pisses people off. Why is this person a perfect candidate for this office over that guy? Mostly their answer is curt and they cannot respond intelligently; because there is no intelligent answer. They have chosen a team whether it be red or blue and the rest of the reasons be damned! That line of thinking has us $16 Trillion in debt and climbing!

Since we the people are a competitive lot, we are being played by those who understand who you are, better than you do. They understand how to play to your emotions, instead of your logic. If they played to your logic, they would loose as that would make you think. They would prefer that you don’t think. (Just drink your beer and watch your sitcoms and of course your Football, leave running “ruining” the country to us!)

They win by playing to your emotions and they do that by pointing out all that is wrong with the world and convince “we the people”, that it is the other guys fault. Which of course is not true; truth be known, it is the fault of a flawed system, and an apathetic country that has a broken “give a damn.”

So here is your challenge; next time one of your friends tells you how great their guy is, ask them why do they think that. Avoid getting excited, avoid profanity and finger pointing. Calmly and rationally ask, “Why do you think that?” The odds are good that they will not know why, and dismiss you as a trouble maker or use the phrase “we should not discuss politics, women’s-lib or religion,” as those subjects are too volatile. Note that I used women’s lib, as that was the phrase back then in the day, when this phrase was crafted, the real issue should be abortion.

The reason I want you to ask why is this, if enough people ask why, a small percentage of those asked may actually “think.” If enough people “think,” this country would be a much better place, and I for one want to leave it better than I found it. Don’t you?

These topics should be debated in the open and frequently. If we as a people cannot have an open discourse on these topics, we are doomed as a people. Why, because we can be manipulated. If these topics are used to scare people, “manipulate through fear,” than the assholes win!” If we openly and honestly discuss these topics with logic, rather than emotion, it is like turning the light on in an otherwise darkened room to prove to your child that there really is no monster under the bed. If we understand the topics and deal with them then “they” loose power over us.

Gay marriage is another hot button to manipulate the masses, and race is another. Don’t buy in to the company line, it is crap! Most people don’t give a dam about gay or straight. Love is great wherever you find it. Just don’t do it in my living room! A straight couple would use discretion and so should you. And race, Holy crap that issue died in the 60’s. The only people screaming about race are the black activist and certain Hollywood self-appointed assholes! This country needs someone to heal it, not to further divide it, stop with the race bating! I would hazard a guess that the largest racists out there are the ones screaming the loudest! Tune those assholes out too! Do not give them power over you! They don’t disserve it.

Don’t let small minded people stir the pot or have power over you. The majority of American’s are not racist, and are in fact ok with the issues talked about. Are there a few who have issues, certainly, but they are their issues, not yours. Don’t marry their crap! Don’t buy into the left’s rhetoric to scare the masses; it is simply that, crap!

There truly is a war on babies not only in this country, but in the whole of the world. Some babies are killed because they happen to be “a girl.” Some are killed because they would be an inconvenience, and still yet others are killed because the person had unprotected sex and is a child herself and does not want mommy and daddy to know that their little girl did the nasty with Bobby down the street. News flash, your parents were kids once and most probably made similar mistakes. (Have you ever done the math as to how old you are vs. how long mommy and daddy have been married? Oh wait, they don’t teach math anymore.)

I digress, Mistakes are a human condition, killing your baby is a mistake that will haunt you. You will have to live with your actions, for convenience sake, for the rest of your days, which would be far worse than telling your parents that you made a booboo albeit a big one. The guilt will either consume you and drive you to seek therapy for ever,( which is not cheap) or you will rationalize your actions away, several times a day until you build a habit of rationalizing that, and other bad behaviors as “ok.” The hard thing to do is often the right thing. Besides, your parent’s look of disappointment will disappear when the grandchild is born. They would have to be monsters if there were any other reaction. Parents love (or should love) their children unconditionally. If we were “persona non grata” for screwing up as a child, than maybe CPS is a better option.

Instead of throwing millions of tax dollars at planned parenthood (a baby killing machine,) maybe we should invest in a CPS type related business that provide safe places for mommies who made a mistake, and who happen to have the misfortune of having monsters for parents.

It is time that we should discuss these topics; we should debate them on their merits. They should not be political fodder as they currently are; they should be something that each state deals with through their constituents and the democratic process.

The issue with this is that each of these topics are so emotionally charged! That is why they are perfect tools for manipulating you. We need to shine the light on them, one by one and remove the emotional element from it and see it for what it is. It is only than can common sense be applied.

As children, we are manipulated by our emotions by our parents, teachers and other authority figures. Guilt, fear and the promise of reward, will manipulate most people. “If you do that you will get spanked, if I do this I will get candy!” “If you don’t go to bed, Santa will know it and will not bring you presents!” If you speed you will get a ticket. If you drink and drive you will go to jail (which you should,) and if you sin, you will go to hell for all eternity! Really? Do they ever stop manipulating you? Once you understand how you are manipulated guess what, you take the control away from them. And how do they control you again….”right, through your emotions.”

BTW any Christian should know that we are saved through the Grace of God, Jesus died for your and my sins and knowing this and confessing this will most certainly save you from that toasty place dreamed up by Dante.

Some religions/churches manipulate you in this fashion. When the coffers are lean they preach this.. Malachi 3:8 – Will a man rob God? Yet ye have robbed me. But ye say, Wherein have we robbed thee? In tithes and offerings.. Then it becomes time to guilt you, or play to your compassion for the starving kids in the Congo, help pay for someone’s kid that wants to go on some mission trip to the UK, as there are evidently no Christians there. This fund or that fund is getting low, please pray about it, and see what “god” calls you to do.

Last time I prayed about it, I distinctly heard a voice telling me to get money up for a mission trip to Hawaii, as the surfers there evidently really need to hear the word… Yeah right….

“Free advice here; before you go to church, write the check for the basket. Then leave the checkbook at home.” If you are like most people, donations are a budgeted item, and we are charged to be good stewards of our money, that includes what we give to charity. Don’t be guilted into giving more than you can afford. People are human, and without realizing what they are doing, will manipulate you through any means to reach a desired outcome, even if it is into your pocket book, leaving you in a bind. If your preacher or church has a habit of doing this, find another church. The preacher man is no closer to God than you are. He is in fact no more perfect than you are. He has studied the bible more than you, perhaps, understand church doctrine better than you, “perhaps,” but his prayers do not get to God any faster than yours. He in fact has no direct line to his Holiness! He is simply a man and he puts his pants on one leg at a time just as you do. You can respect him as your spiritual leader, but do not worship him, and realize that he has flaws, warts and an ego. There are more than enough tools out there to understand scripture yourself, look for the truth for yourself! One question you may want to ask your preacher, rabbi or what have you is… , you guessed it “why?” Why did you become a preacher, etc….

Some will say that they were called, but I find that answer too easy. Something else happened in their life somewhere in the past that led them here, which is ok; it is just one more way that one should know themselves. If I am to trust this man with shepherding me spiritually; I really need to know that he knows himself. Once you know who you are, than and only than can you be honest with yourself; and others. Honesty and Truth are two valuable commodities that are far too scarce in this world.

One of my pet peeves is going into a sanctuary, trying to get into the right frame of mind and spy on the wall one of those large thermometers made out of paper, with $$ signs on it. We are this close to our goal…. I am reminded of Jesus turning over the tables of the money changers and I too, develop righteous anger, and I depart! The sanctuary is just that, a sanctuary from the trappings of this world, and should not be a place of worldly things…in this case money! Money is nothing more than a tool, and end to a means. If your church is about money well, you should probably find another church. The only way to change bad behavior is not to accept it, or acknowledge it. Vote with your feet!

The truth can be daunting; it may not be what you expected. One must not look for the truth already “knowing what the truth is” but understand that it could be something totally different than what you expect. Use the scientific method, build a hypothesis from what you know, and what others may tell you; and then seek to prove it. Whatever it turns out to be, embrace it and move on.

C.S. Lewis set out to prove that there was no god. Through the process, he found God and is now one of the heroes of the faith! I can’t say this enough, Seek the truth!

Know why you believe what you believe. Find the truth and embrace it, no matter what the truth is. Remember that the “truth has no agenda, people usually do.”

-Best to you and those that you care about!

Gun Control, Abortion and Politics

These issues are so divisive, so volatile, that they have ruined many candidates’ chances for ever getting elected.

Case in point: Q: Mr. Ryan, how do you feel about abortion? A: As a Christian conservative I value all life and I believe that abortion should be very limited.

Correct Answer: My personal values and beliefs on this issue are not germane to the conversation. If elected, I will work hard to get these types of decisions pushed back to the state where they belong, so the people in each state can decide by the democratic process how they feel these issues should be handled.

His answer is of course paraphrased but you can see the difference. The correct answer would have garnered him more votes as he recognized the limits of government and even though the Christian conservative comment would have gained him some votes; he most likely already had those votes in the red states and lost votes in the blue states where they needed them. The real gotcha part of the question was diverted in the correct answer and instead of it being a negative as the “reporter” intended, it would have been neutered at the least and a positive at best.

The rhetoric that these issues generate alone, cloud the real issues of the day like the economy and or the events in the Middle East. These two issues take the forefront on the news and the campaign trial, instead of the issues that really matter. Gun control, dominates the nightly news rather than the media dealing with the real issues of the day.

The Middle East is on fire, hundreds of thousand are killed and we talk about creating a law that has no chance of working in this country, ever! They would have to shred the constitution for it to have a chance; and Uncle Joe touting his shotgun rhetoric would have to keep mute; as he gives the gun lobbyist more “ammo,” every time he speaks on the subject.

The simple facts are that there is not a “one size fits all solution” for an entire country on either of these two issues. On top of this if you bother to do any research, you will find places like Chicago who have some of the toughest gun laws, also enjoy some of the highest murder rates or crime rates committed with guns, anywhere in the country.

It is my contention that these issues are played up intentionally and strategically when there are other issues that are showing up on the radar that the administration wants to re-focus the public’s attention away from. Benghazi was one such issue, and Fast and Furious another; just to name two. I would bet that in the industry; issues like this have names, much like “puff piece,” which this would not be, or some such other type of piece like a “Houdini.”

The state should be the one to deal with these issues although I bet that they are happy that they don’t have to. There is a reason that we have red and blue states. The majority of the people in the “highly populated” areas of those states are fairly like minded for one reason or another. These areas attract more people who are also of similar ilk. That is perfectly ok as one should be allowed to vote with their feet.

If Colorado wants to legalize pot (which they did) and you are of the belief that it should be legal, you may be interested in moving there. If Texans think that wearing a gun should be synonymous with wearing clothes, you may want to live there (if you’re a good guy) or stay the hell away if you are prone to picking fights or doing stupid things. “An armed society is a polite society.”

Much like football, the quarterback fakes the throw and our attention “and the opposing teams attention” is momentarily taken off the real ball, and then the handoff happens. Politics or those who practice it, work the same way. The people that we hire, that should be watching out for us are all up there playing quarterback with trillions of tax payer’s dollars.

Of course if gun control and abortion are not enough to divert your complete attention; than the race card, the gay card, and the class warfare card and my personal all time favorite, some imagined war on women come into play. Never have I seen the “war on babies” card played, which it should be.

Keep your eyes on the ball. This is not an R or a D thing, it is a people thing, and those inside the beltway should be held not only to higher standards, but they should be held accountable; accountable not to the people who gambled millions of dollars on their reelection bid; but to us, the tax payer. When any of these cards are played, keep looking for what they are hiding. Start looking at other media rather than the main stream media for the answers. If you are a huge Fox news fan, make sure that you watch CNN as well. The reverse is true if you are a Chris Mathews Fan. I personally read news from all over the globe, as they are watching us, and there is a good chance that their dog in the fight is not that of the current administrations. The more that any of the above cards are dominating the news, or trending, the more I look elsewhere, to see what is happening.

To borrow a phrase from the X-Files, “the truth is out there,” seek and ye shall find. “The truth has no Agenda.”

-Best to you and those that you care about!

The case of the misfit hand tool.

The following is my guess to what this company is searching for. Hope you enjoy the tale..

https://www.facebook.com/OldeCrowAntiquesPrimitives

After searching servers throughout the world, I came across a wiki leaks article dated from 1947.

It seems as though a man was found wondering aimlessly through the New Mexico desert. He had no memory of how he had gotten there but, was visibly agitated when a small lizard scurried by his feet, while talking to authorities.

He was brought to the local hospital for observation and treatment for dehydration and exposure. Days later, while he was getting his clothes back on, he noticed something in his pocket. Plucking it out revealed a strange looking device. Not knowing what it was or how it got there, he put it back into his pocket and made his way down to the cafeteria in the hospital.

Later he was greeted by a Doctor who used hypnosis to bring back memories, so they could find out who this guy was and where he belonged.

Once under hypnosis (so the story goes) he told of wild things, crazy things, he told about being taken from his car in the middle of the night and brought aboard some sort of craft. He was so visibly shaken by the retelling of the events that the therapist had to stop the session and awaken the man for fear of a seizure or other such malady.

The two met again and again, day after day; each time getting a little more information. The good Doctor was either putting the pieces of an extraordinary puzzle together or, the twisted mind of a seriously ill man. Either way he wanted to continue as this was by far the most interesting case that this doctor had ever dealt with.

As the sessions progressed, the man told of being on a table where these creatures which stood on two feet and looked somewhat like lizards, were bringing instruments over his body to “examine” him. At this instance with incredible lucidity the man looks at the “probes” and other devices and tells the creatures “Aw Hell No!” and with much surprise breaks the constraints on the table and escapes the examining room to find himself in a maze of corridors and hallways.

As the lizard people had much shorter legs than him and long since lost their ability to run on all fours; he was able to outrun them and for several hours lurked around the bowels of the ship. While in one room, he saw all sorts of gadgets and other meters and lights and what have you as well as strange looking shafts of light, emanating from the floor to the ceiling the light pulsed with a low droning noise coming from somewhere in the ship.

He told of watching their “people” adjusting a device that they called the Quantum entanglement regulator or QER. (The precursor to the flux capacitor I am sure.) When they adjusted the QER correctly the pulsed light coalesced into a nice steady rhythm. After the two “aliens” working on the QER left; our hero went up to the QER, grabbed the “tool” off of the table and “tweaked” the QER just a little bit, as to cause the pulses of light to flash more erratically; after which, he put the tool into his pocket and left the room.

As the tool that adjusts it is made from the same metal that the QER is made from, and at the same time, the tool and the device are a match both metallurgically as well as atomically. Any other device used to adjust the QER would result in immediate destruction of the device, or so they thought.

It was not long before our hero was discovered wandering the hallways and brought back to the examining room. Once there, they wiped his memory of the events and deposited him in the middle of the desert, many miles from where they took him from.

As the aliens were really not familiar with the concept of clothing, they also did not know about pockets. Had they known, they might have searched him before they sent him back to the planets surface.

After the doctor awakens his patient he asked him about the tool. With little more than a blank look, the abductee reaches into his pocket and retrieves the tool, and hands it to the doctor.

While there is nothing visibly exceptional about the tool the good doctor laughs and tells the guy that it looks like a really poorly designed nutcracker, and hands it back to our hero. Our good doctor was now convinced that the mans’ time in the desert had left him lost in episodes of delirium and there was little more that he could do other than to get the paper to see if they could help discover who this guy really is.

News of the person found in the desert reached the media of the day, and it was not long after that before he was reunited with his loved ones. The tool ended up in the back of a junk drawer where it sat, collecting dust, until the man’s death several years later. His children then had an estate sale and the tool was sold with the “lot” of the contents of the junk drawer.

Meanwhile, when the aliens tried to leave orbit, they discovered that their Quantum Entanglement hyper drive was not “regulated” correctly and immediately dispatched a crew to regulate it. When the tool to do so could not be found they were forced to stay on our planet much longer than they had planned for. A brash decision was made to attempt to regulate the QER with something other than the correct tool, and in July of 1947, as a result of that decision, there was a crash of one alien craft inhabited by “lizard people” in Roswell…

Somewhere in a dungeon at Write Patterson Air Force base lies the remains of the craft which our people have tried for years to reverse engineer. So far the only technology that they could replicate is fiber optics and Velcro, and some claim the laser, but I tend to think we did that one.

The QER is still out of sync and because of the signals that it is emanating, had to be put several stories under ground to keep the Russians from picking it up on their spy satellites.

If they only knew that in some small antique shop lives the key to unlimited power, space travel; not only at incredible speeds, but also time, they would be ecstatic! Yes the QEHD (Quantum Entanglement Hyper Drive) also allows for easy travel both forwards and backwards in time.

Can you imagine what would happen if General Wainright at the pentagon, were to read this story on the internet and find the key to power beyond his wildest dreams, and it lives in a small antique shop? He will never see it however; as security is so tight that no computer can ever be connected to the public internet, ergo he will never read about this on Facebook. All the unlimited power that this tool controls will be lost to all of mankind forever!

Another fun fact is about the aliens themselves. Unlike the media hype, several survived and have been working in the skunk-works programs at Write Patterson and Area 51. Our government did not force them into this; they found that after getting to know us, that we are not really all that bad. As the matter of fact, one of those aliens is a celebrity of sorts; you see him on TV, selling insurance. You just think that he is CGI…..

I would also be totally remiss if I did not entertain the other theory, that this is simply a poorly designed nut cracker, so poorly designed in fact, that few were made as the nuts and or shells escaped, putting people’s eyes out. The company abandoned the idea of making this model and this is the one, the prototype that survived going back into the crucible, to be made into something more useful, like pull tabs on beer cans.

The story, people and depictions in this “article” are a complete creation of an over active imagination, and should be looked at as “entertainment.” Or are they….? The Truth is out there, and, I Want to Believe…

Update: 10-14-14

Mystery solved!

Some time ago this picture was placed on Face Book by a company that sells antiques and other one off things. Nobody had a clue what this was or what it was used for. We guessed that it was a tool but for what. I frequent antique stores as this type of thing interest me.

While digging around I found something that looked very similar and on the handle was a tag describing it. This device was used to turn the flu in a stovepipe off or on, or adjust it as it would be hot. I still like my story better but alas, the truth is out there…

-Best to you and those that you care about.