Category: writers

Mastering Hooks: Capture Readers in 3 Seconds

Mastering Hooks: Capture Readers in 3 Seconds

Struggling with the business side of writing? You’re not alone. Here’s a candid look at turning pages into paychecks—join the conversation.

Capturing and Maintaining Reader Attention in the Age of Overload

In a world where your readers’ phones buzz every few seconds, attention is the rarest resource. Great ideas aren’t enough. To connect, you need to cut through noise, spark curiosity fast, and keep delivering value line by line. This post breaks down why attention is harder to earn today—and practical ways to win and keep it.

Information Overload: The New Reality

Did I just interrupt your doomscrolling? Good—that’s part of the problem I’m writing against. I’m wading through the same flood you are: more to read, watch, and hear than any one person can hold. New posts, newsletters, videos, and podcasts never stop. Even careful, polished work gets buried under the pile.

Why Your Hook Only Gets 3 Seconds (and Why You Should Panic a Little)

Okay, writers, let’s be real for a second: your hook has the lifespan of junk mail. You know what I’m talking about—that envelope that lands in your hands, gets a three-second glance, and then, unless it screams “Open me!”, takes a one-way trip to the trash (or, as my mom used to call it, the “circular filing cabinet”). Your readers are doing the exact same thing with your title, subtitle, and opening line. If you don’t grab them immediately, well… let’s just say your hard work is headed for the digital equivalent of the recycling bin.

Your job? Be that one letter worth opening. You know the one—the one that makes you pause, unfold it, and actually read the thing. Let’s talk about how to make your writing that irresistible.

What Makes a Winning Hook?

A good hook isn’t just about sounding clever—it’s about making readers stop their scrolling, squint at your words, and think, “Wait, this is for me!” Here’s what your hook should do:

Signal relevance fast: “This is for YOU.” Not some vague “writer” or “reader”—you.

Make a clear promise: “Here’s what you’ll get if you keep reading.”

Stir curiosity: “You don’t know this yet, but you’re about to find out.”

Be specific: Use names, numbers, or real-world examples.

Set stakes: Show them what’s in it for them—time saved, pain avoided, or success achieved.

Sound human: No fluff, no jargon, no robotic nonsense.

Writing is Junk Mail (Bear With Me…)

Your title = The envelope sender: If you don’t seem trustworthy, intriguing, or relevant, trash.

Your subtitle/preview = The teaser on the envelope: What’s inside? Spell out the benefit in one clean sentence.

Your opening line = The first sentence of the letter: Hit them with tension, a question, or a surprise.

Subheads and bold lines = The P.S. on the letter: Reinforce your promise with quick, scannable takeaways.

If any of these pieces are vague, boring, or confusing, guess what? Your reader “files” you—and not in a good way.

The 3-Second Test

Before you publish, ask yourself three questions. Score each from 1–5:

Clarity: Can a stranger tell who this is for and what they’ll get?

Curiosity: Is there an unresolved question, tension, or surprise?

Credibility: Are there specifics (names, numbers, situations) to back this up?

If any score less than a 3, it’s time to rewrite. Sorry, but you owe it to your readers—and your ego.

Hook Formulas That Actually Work

Let’s get practical. These formulas are like cheat codes for writing irresistible hooks:

Problem + Time Frame + Outcome

Example: “Spend 10 minutes today and cut your email replies in half this week.”

Surprising Stat + So What

Example: “Half your readers leave by paragraph two—here’s how to keep the rest.”

Confession + Pivot

Example: “I lost my first 1,000 subscribers—here’s what I did differently on #1,001.”

Question + Consequence

Example: “What if your opening line is costing you 80% of your readers?”

Contrarian Angle + Benefit

Example: “Stop outlining—story your scenes instead.”

Tiny Promise + Clear Benefit

Example: “One sentence that makes every paragraph pull its weight.”

Specific Who + Outcome

Example: “Freelance writers: the 7-word reply that doubles approvals.”

Before-and-After Examples (Because We’ve All Been There)

Weak: “Let’s talk about writing hooks.”

Strong: “Your first line decides if your work gets read—or trashed in three seconds.”

Weak: “Here are marketing tips.”

Strong: “A non-gross way to sell your book in 15 minutes a day.”

Weak: “My editing process.”

Strong: “How I cut 27% of fluff—and gained 40% more readers.”

Weak (Fiction): “A woman faces a challenge.”

Strong: “She was supposed to be dead by dawn—and had a meeting at nine.”

Weak (Memoir/Essay): “Work overwhelmed me.”

Strong: “I didn’t quit my job—I misplaced it under 97 unread emails.”

A Quick Workflow to Nail Your Hook

Write 10 versions of your hook. Yes, 10. Just do it.

Underline your nouns and verbs. If they’re vague, swap them for concrete ones.

Add stakes: time, money, emotion, or risk.

Pick a tension device: question, contrast, surprise, or confession.

Read it out loud. Can you grasp it in one breath?

Do the phone test: glance at your hook for three seconds. If it doesn’t grab you instantly, rewrite.

Pitfalls to Avoid

Clever but unclear: If no one understands your wordplay, it doesn’t matter.

Throat-clearing: “In today’s world…” Stop. Just start where the energy is.

Overpromising: Big claims with zero specifics = instant distrust.

Passive voice and hedges: “might,” “could possibly,” “somewhat.” Nope. Be bold and direct.

Your Hook is Your Envelope

At the end of the day, your hook is the envelope that keeps your work from being trashed. Make it unmistakably for your reader, promise a real payoff, and make that promise impossible to ignore. Because, let’s be honest, we’re all one bad hook away from the literary recycling bin—and nobody wants to end up there.

Now, go write a hook that makes me stop scrolling. I dare you.

And while your at it, like, follow, share and help a fellow author out.

Thanks!

If the interests is there I will post more articles like this to assist you in your career of turning your paperback into a paycheck.

Best

Author Scott

How Authors Can Thrive in the Digital Age

How Authors Can Thrive in the Digital Age

A lot of you are staring at flat sales and asking me the same thing I see in my inbox every week: are people still reading?

Short answer: yes. Longer answer: hell yes, but reading has changed outfits. People still love romance, fantasy, and thrillers, yet a lot of them are grabbing audiobooks, e-books, and snackable serials on Wattpad and Substack. Attention is a fragile little beast, so readers also go for shorter, punchier stuff, or they want summaries and adaptations like podcasts and quick recaps that fit between life, work, and whatever Netflix is feeding them tonight.

Where Are People Reading?

  • Online platforms: Wattpad, Kindle Direct Publishing, Substack, and even Reddit are buzzing with new voices and weirdly passionate niche communities.
  • Social media: Instagram’s Bookstagram, TikTok’s BookTok, and Twitter’s BookTwitter can catapult a book from “who the hell is this?” to “I saw that everywhere.”
  • Audiobooks and podcasts: Multitaskers unite. People listen while commuting, cleaning, working out, or pretending to stretch.

Why, you might ask. Have you listened to the news? Then you know the answer.

How Can an Unknown Writer Get Known Today?

1) Social media is a tool, not a religion

  • Use it if it helps. It’s great for visibility, networking, and actually talking to readers, but it shouldn’t swallow your writing time.
  • Yes, some authors thrive with little or no social presence. They are the exception. For most of us mortals, social helps put the work in front of eyeballs.

2) Other ways to get noticed

  • Self-publishing: KDP and Wattpad can get your work to readers without asking anyone’s permission.
  • Newsletter and email list: Gold. You own that relationship, and it beats shouting into the algorithm void.
  • Collaborations: Guest posts, podcast interviews, swaps with other writers. Borrow audiences like a pro.
  • Local events: Bookstores, libraries, and fairs still move the needle. Also, free cookies sometimes.

3) If you do social, do it smart

  • Go where your readers hang out. TikTok is huge for YA and romance. Twitter is strong for sci-fi and literary fiction.
  • Post more than “buy my book.” Share behind-the-scenes bits, the messy writing process, personal stories, and jump into reader conversations. Be a human, not a billboard.

The Business of Writing: From A to Z

Writing a great story matters. Editing matters. Neither will save you if you treat your book like a message in a bottle. Authors are not just artists. You are a business. That means strategy, systems, and marketing that moves people to talk about your work and you.This is not selling out. This is how you get read.

What “Business” Means for Authors

  • Product: Your book, your series, your backlist, your bonus content.
  • Brand: The promise you make to readers and the vibe you deliver every time.
  • Distribution: How your work reaches people, both digital and physical.
  • Marketing: How you attract attention and convert it into actual readers.
  • Operations: Calendars, budgets, deadlines, tools, contracts, taxes. The glamorous stuff.
  • Analytics: Knowing what works so you can do more of it and stop guessing.

The A to Z of Author Biz

  • A — Audience: Define a reader persona, not a vague blob. Who are they, what do they read, where do they hang out, why do they care.
  • B — Brand: One line that nails your promise. Keep your covers, copy, and tone consistent.
  • C — Copywriting: Your blurb and ad hooks must carry their own weight. Clarity beats clever.
  • D — Distribution: Go wide, or go exclusive. Pick based on genre norms and your goals.
  • E — Email: Build a list. Own your audience. Send value, not spam.
  • F — Funnel: Attract, capture, nurture, convert, delight. Simple beats messy.
  • G — Goals: Monthly word count, quarterly launches, revenue targets. Write them down.
  • H — Hook: A sharp premise plus emotional stakes. Put it everywhere.
  • I — IP: Protect your rights. Think audio, translation, merch, adaptations.
  • J — Joint ventures: Cross-promos, anthology teams, podcast swaps. Borrow trust.
  • K — Keywords: Metadata matters. Help stores and search engines find you.
  • L — Launch: ARC teams, preorders, schedule, assets, reviews on day one.
  • M — Marketing: Sustained, not frantic. Test small, then scale.
  • N — Nurture: Behind-the-scenes updates, freebies, bonus chapters, Q&A.
  • O — Outreach: Book clubs, libraries, indie bookstores, local media.
  • P — Positioning and Price: Know your shelf. Price to market, then experiment.
  • Q — Quality control: Edit, proof, format. Readers forgive a lot, but not sloppy.
  • R — Reviews: Make it easy to leave them. Never argue with a reviewer.
  • S — Social proof: Testimonials, awards, charts, screenshots. Use them.
  • T — Testing: Covers, blurbs, ad images, first pages. Let data win.
  • U — USP: Your unique angle. Say it plainly. Repeat it often.
  • V — Visibility: SEO, social, ads, partnerships, events. Stack your channels.
  • W — Word of mouth: The engine you build on purpose, not by accident.
  • X — X-factor: A signature element readers remember. A tone, trope, theme, or world.
  • Y — You, Inc.: Protect your time and energy. Systems beat willpower.
  • Z — Zero regret finish: Close loops, deliver on promises, ask for the next action.

Marketing That Gets People Talking

People share what makes them feel smart, seen, or entertained. Give them something to pass along.

  • Talk triggers: A bold premise, an unexpected twist, a controversial question, a jaw-drop world rule. Bake one into the book and the blurb.
  • Shareables: Quote cards, short audio clips, 20–40 second video hooks, tidy behind-the-scenes photos. Make it easy to repost.
  • Reader roles: ARC team, street team, beta readers, name-a-character contests, choice-of-cover votes.
  • Communities: Goodreads groups, Discord servers, Reddit threads, TikTok and Instagram niches. Show up where conversations already exist.
  • Micro-influencers: Bookstagrammers, BookTok creators, niche podcasts, genre newsletters. Smaller audiences can convert better.
  • Book clubs: Offer discussion guides, Zoom drop-ins, signed bookplates, discounts for bulk.
  • Local buzz: Libraries, indie bookstores, college lit groups, hometown papers. Real humans, real momentum.

Your Visibility Stack

  • Home base: A simple website and an email list. You own both.
  • One primary social channel: Go where your readers actually are. Post consistently, not constantly.
  • Retail pages that convert: Strong cover, tight blurb, dialed metadata, compelling Look Inside.
  • Ads as accelerant: Start tiny on Amazon, Meta, or TikTok. Test audiences and creatives.
  • Search and SEO: Author name, series name, genre keywords. Make Google your friend.

A Simple Weekly System

  • Write: 5 sessions. Protect them like a dragon hoard.
  • Nurture: 1 email or community post with value or a peek behind the curtain.
  • Grow: 1 outreach action. Pitch a podcast, DM a creator, apply for a promo.
  • Promote: 2 evergreen posts or clips that spotlight your hook.
  • Measure: 20 minutes on metrics. Keep doing what moves the needle.

Metrics That Matter

  • Email list growth and open rate
  • Conversion on your retail pages
  • Cost per click and cost per new reader
  • Read-through across a series
  • Reviews per 100 sales
  • Time on page for your first chapter or sample

Common Mistakes to Avoid

  • Hiding behind the book: You are part of the product. Readers follow people.
  • Launching cold: Build a list and a conversation before release week.
  • Random acts of marketing: Pick a plan and stick to it for at least one quarter.
  • Chasing every trend: Choose one lane you can sustain.
  • Forgetting the back end: No clear next step means lost momentum.

Make Them Talk About You

  • Own a theme or hill to die on: A point of view readers can quote at dinner.
  • Name your world or promise: A catchy series name or manifesto line helps memory stick.
  • Deliver delight moments: Unexpected bonus scenes, secret epilogues, surprise art drops.
  • Invite participation: Polls, challenges, reading sprints, live Q&A.
  • Close with an ask: If you loved it, tell a friend, leave a review, join the list. Simple and direct.

Now, for all this free advice…My latest creation The Big Beautiful Book of Stupid Shit is almost ready for publication. If you like what you read, give me a follow, a thumbs up, hell repost it for me because what I have written will not only assist other writers but this book which is as large as “The Big Beautiful Bill.” is almost ready.

Thanks and much Love…

AuthorScott

Why ‘Ask Your Doctor If Death Is Right for You’ Works

Why ‘Ask Your Doctor If Death Is Right for You’ Works

Years ago I worked at an advertising agency. We had to be creative. Today while watching the news I was shocked by the big pharma ads. The tag line: is death right for you, came to mind.

Thinking back to those days, I formulated an ad campaign that would never get played, but it should. Do we really need pills that keep us hooked on more pills to fix the side effects of those pills?

Tell me what you think.

Alright, team. Gather ‘round. I’ve got a pitch for you that’s equal parts brilliance, absurdity, and just the right amount of “what the actual f***.” You’re going to love it. Or hate it. Either way, we’re making history—and probably pissing off Big Pharma in the process.

Picture this: A pharmaceutical commercial. But not just any pharmaceutical commercial. Oh no, this isn’t your run-of-the-mill “cure one thing, destroy seven others” nonsense. This is bold, it’s darkly funny, and it’s honest. Strap in, because I’m about to sell you the next big thing in healthcare advertising.

Opening Scene: A Hallmark Dream

We start with the usual formula—because let’s face it, the best parody thrives on clichés.

Imagine a serene meadow: golden sunlight pouring through the trees, a golden retriever frolicking in slow motion, and a woman spinning in circles like she just discovered her life has been sponsored by Xanax. The piano music? Uplifting. The visuals? Pinterest-worthy. The voiceover? Smooth as silk.

“Are you tired of your minor discomfort? Is that pesky rash ruining your Tuesday? Does your slight headache feel like the universe is conspiring against you? Introducing PanaceaX™—because being mildly inconvenienced is clearly the worst thing that can happen to you.”

Cue the woman laughing with her family. She’s baking cookies with zero regard for her gluten intolerance. The dog’s wagging its tail like it’s auditioning for a Disney movie. You feel warm, cozy, safe. But then… oh, then, the voiceover takes a turn.

The Twist: Side Effects from Hell

“Side effects may include nausea, dizziness, dry mouth, explosive diarrhea, uncontrollable vomiting, hallucinations, existential dread, spontaneous combustion, and, oh yeah—death.”

Pause for dramatic effect.

“Ask your doctor if PanaceaX™ is right for you.”

Now, let’s linger on this for a second. Death. We’re not even trying to sugarcoat it. We’re leaning all the way in. Because, let’s be real—half the drugs on the market already come with side effects that sound like rejected horror movie plots. Why not own it?

The tagline? Simple, catchy, and just the right amount of nihilistic charm:

“PanaceaX™: Because if you’re gonna die anyway, you might as well do it medicated.”

Now, I know what you’re thinking: “But how do we make people laugh about something as horrifying as spontaneous internal bleeding or uncontrollable rage?” Easy. We do what pharmaceutical ads already do—bury it under a montage of happy people living their best lives. Except we call attention to how absolutely insane it is.

The voiceover speeds up, auctioneer-style. You know the drill: “Nausea. Vomiting. Headaches. Diarrhea so explosive it’ll put food poisoning to shame. Dry mouth so bad you’ll think you’ve been licking sandpaper. And for those of you lucky enough to hit the jackpot: sudden personality changes, hallucinations, and the occasional bout of spontaneous combustion. PanaceaX™: Because nothing says ‘healthcare’ like becoming a walking dumpster fire.”

Meanwhile, the visuals continue to show people doing things that have nothing to do with the drug. A dad teaching his kid to ride a bike. A couple on a beach. A grandma knitting a sweater for her cat. No one’s vomiting. No one’s combusting. It’s all lies. But that’s the beauty of it.

Let’s Talk About the Rare Side Effects

Now, this is where we really shine. These aren’t your run-of-the-mill “oops, I sneezed too hard” side effects. Oh no. These are the real gems. The ones that make you question your life choices.

Uncontrollable Rage: Perfect for holiday dinners with the in-laws.

Sudden Hair Loss: Because bald is the new black.

Loss of Taste: Both literal and metaphorical. Say goodbye to your sense of flavor and your fashion sense.

Spontaneous Internal Bleeding: A fun surprise for everyone involved.

Death: The ultimate cure for all ailments. Guaranteed 100% effective every time.

And we have to include this one: “May cause an irrational fear of ducks.” Why? Because it’s weird, it’s random, and it makes people pay attention.

The Irony of It All

Here’s the kicker, folks: The diseases these drugs are treating? They’re usually not that big a deal. Heartburn? Allergies? A little anxiety? You don’t need a pill for that—you need a nap and a decent therapist. But no, we’ve been conditioned to think that every minor inconvenience requires a chemical solution. And let’s be honest, we eat it up. Why? Because the ads show us what we want to see: happiness, health, freedom.

That’s the genius of it. They dangle the perfect life in front of us, and we bite. Even if the fine print basically says, “May cause your organs to implode.”

Final Scene: The Closing Pitch

So here’s how we wrap it up. The screen fades to black. The piano music swells. The logo for PanaceaX™ appears, glowing softly. And the voiceover delivers the final line with just the right amount of smug optimism:

“PanaceaX™: Ask your doctor if death is right for you. (Spoiler alert: It probably is.)”

Cue the woman spinning in the meadow one last time, but this time, she’s holding a giant bottle of PanaceaX™ like it’s the Holy Grail.

Why This Works

This pitch is self-aware, sarcastic, and just unhinged enough to go viral. It pokes fun at the absurdity of pharmaceutical advertising while staying true to the format. It’s dark, it’s funny, and most importantly—it’s memorable. People will be quoting, “Ask your doctor if death is right for you” for years.

So, what do you think? Are we ready to take the pharmaceutical world by storm, or should we just prescribe ourselves a big ol’ dose of “f*** it” and call it a day?

A Taste of Stupid Shit (Coming Soon to a Brain Near You)

That, my friends, is just a tiny sample of the glorious nonsense you’ll find in The Big Beautiful Book of Stupid Shit, which is currently in the editing process. Yes, I’m editing it—because apparently, society frowns upon just flinging raw stupidity into the world without a little polish. Go figure.

I’m hoping to release it in the next few weeks because, let’s be real, the world desperately needs this. We’re drowning in stupidity every day—on TV, on social media, at family reunions—and someone (me) needs to catalog it, mock it, and gift-wrap it for your reading pleasure.

So, do me a favor: subscribe, follow, comment, and tell me what you think. Or don’t. I’m not your mom. But if you do, you’ll get to say you were here before this book becomes the literary equivalent of a viral cat meme. And let’s face it—who doesn’t want that level of cultural credibility?

Go forth, let your voice be heard and spread the word far and wide. Or don’t. No matter what, this book will come to fruition, and it promises to be an exceptionally enjoyable experience. Stay tuned, and prepare for comedy gold written in bite-sized chapters that will have you laughing as if you were at a live show.

-Best

Are Premium Writing Tools Worth the Investment?

Are Premium Writing Tools Worth the Investment?


Writers with a lifelong passion for the written word and the craft of storytelling often recognize the importance of using the right tools to bring their ideas to life. For those who have explored genres ranging from psychological thrillers with dark, erotic edges to humorous works like my work in progress, “The Big Beautiful Book of Stupid Shit,” every project demands a unique approach. Expensive writing tools—designed to refine grammar, enhance prose, and assist with plot development—are becoming an integral part of the writing process. But are they worth the investment for seasoned writers? Let’s explore.
Why Consider Premium Writing Tools?
Writers who are equally fascinated by both the arts and technology often look for ways to combine these passions to improve their craft. Writing tools have evolved far beyond basic spell checkers and are now sophisticated programs capable of analyzing tone, identifying plot holes, and suggesting improvements to elevate any piece of writing.
For authors who work on a wide range of projects—whether humorous critiques, science fiction adventures, or dark psychological thrillers—these tools serve as a valuable second pair of eyes. They ensure that stories remain polished, engaging, and free of errors.
How Writing Tools Can Help (and Where They Shine)
Expensive writing tools offer several features that make them worth the investment. Here’s how they can enhance different aspects of writing:
Grammar and Clarity
Even the most experienced writers can miss grammatical errors, unclear sentences, or awkward phrasing. Tools like Grammarly Premium or ProWritingAid go beyond simple corrections by analyzing sentence structure, suggesting concise alternatives, and highlighting overused phrases. For example, in a psychological thriller, where every word must carry weight, having a tool that ensures clarity is invaluable.
Style and Tone Analysis
Capturing the right tone is crucial in writing. Tools like Hemingway Editor make sure that the writing is accessible and punchy, pointing out overly complex sentences and passive voice. AI-driven tools like Sudowrite take this further by suggesting stylistic changes to match the intended tone, whether it’s sharp wit, emotional vulnerability, or urgent tension.
Plot Development and Story Structure
Writing intricate narratives, such as science fiction or thrillers, often comes with the challenge of spotting plot holes or inconsistencies. Tools like Campfire Pro or Plottr allow writers to map out their stories, track character arcs, and identify gaps in the plot. These tools are particularly helpful when dealing with multi-layered storylines or weaving together multiple timelines.
Research Assistance
Writers with backgrounds in history, literature, or even technical fields like physics understand the importance of research in crafting believable worlds. Tools like Scrivener allow them to organize research alongside their writing, making it easy to reference important details without disrupting their workflow.
Collaborative Feedback
Writing is often a solitary craft, but feedback is essential to growth. Tools like Fictionary provide AI-driven developmental editing, helping assess pacing, tension, and character development. For writers who explore varied genres, having a tool that serves as a digital writing coach can make a significant difference.
Do Writers Really Need Expensive Tools?
For writers serious about honing their craft, premium tools can be a game-changer. These tools aren’t substitutes for creativity or hard work—they’re enhancers. The most compelling stories come from within, but even the best storytellers benefit from tools that refine their work and help their ideas shine.
For instance, while crafting a humorous book like Stupid Shit, tools can ensure comedic timing lands effectively and critiques of absurdity remain sharp. In a psychological thriller, these tools can help ensure tension builds naturally and characters’ motivations stay consistent throughout the narrative.
Balancing Technology with Creativity
Technology is only as effective as the person using it. Writing software cannot replace a writer’s unique voice, perspective, or creative spark. It’s easy to become overly reliant on AI-driven tools, but the heart of any story always comes from the writer.
These tools function more like sophisticated assistants—they highlight technical flaws, streamline the process, and organize ideas, but the artistry remains in the hands of the writer.
Are Expensive Writing Tools Worth It?
For writers passionate about storytelling and willing to embrace technology, investing in premium tools is a wise decision. These tools streamline the writing process, refine ideas, and ensure that every word on the page serves its purpose. Whether crafting an intricate psychological thriller or a humorous critique of human absurdity, writing tools help writers reach new creative heights.
The best advice for writers considering these tools? Start small, experiment, and choose the ones that align with your goals. Remember, writing tools are there to support the craft—not replace it.
Embrace the technology, refine your craft, and keep writing. At the end of the day, the world needs great stories—flaws and all.
What are your thoughts on premium writing tools? Have you used any of the ones mentioned here? Let us know in the comments!

The Dangers of AI in Health Insurance Decisions

The Dangers of AI in Health Insurance Decisions

Imagine this: You’ve been working with a trusted specialist for years. They’ve prescribed a specific medication that works for you—one that keeps your condition under control and allows you to live your life. Then, out of nowhere, your pharmacist informs you that your insurance company has denied coverage for that medication. Why? Because somewhere in a server room, an AI algorithm has decided that a cheaper alternative might work just as well for you.

This isn’t science fiction. It’s happening now. AI is playing doctor—not by asking you to turn your head and cough, but by making cold, calculated decisions about your health, often without understanding the nuances of your medical history or the expertise of your physician.

The Kafkaesque Nightmare Begins

The first sign of trouble is a message from your pharmacist: “Your insurance has denied your claim.” For most people, this is the start of a maddening journey through a labyrinth of bureaucracy. You don’t fully understand why your claim was denied, but you know one thing: you need your medication. Your blood pressure spikes as frustration sets in.

You call the pharmacy, only to be greeted by an automated voice system. “Press 1 for English, 2 for Español. In a few words, tell us why you’re calling.” After navigating this maze, you finally reach a human—someone who asks for your name, date of birth, and insurance details. Then comes the dreaded response: “Your claim has been denied.”

Why? The pharmacist doesn’t know. They’re just the messenger. The denial is the result of an algorithmic decision, one that doesn’t care about your years of successful treatment or the side effects of alternative medications. It only cares about cost.

Your next call is to your doctor’s office. Surely, they can help, right? Wrong. You’re transferred to a voicemail because it’s after 3 PM. “If this is an emergency, call 911,” the recording says. You leave a message and wait. The next day, someone from the office calls back, but they’re just as baffled as you are. “Your claim was denied,” they say. “We’re not sure why.”

The doctor’s office contacts the insurance company on your behalf, only to be told that the denial was based on the AI’s determination that you haven’t tried cheaper alternatives. Never mind that those alternatives might not work for you—or worse, might cause harmful side effects. The AI doesn’t care. It’s not a doctor. It’s a cost-cutting machine.

At this point, you’re left with two choices: pay out of pocket for the medication you know works, or gamble with your health by trying the cheaper alternatives the AI recommends. If you’re like many people, you grit your teeth and pay full price, furious that your health is being held hostage by an algorithm.

This isn’t just a personal inconvenience. It’s a systemic issue. Insurance companies are increasingly relying on AI to review and deny claims, often without human oversight. According to reports, AI-driven claim denials have skyrocketed, with some estimates showing a 16-fold increase in denials. And while 90% of these denials are overturned on appeal, the damage is already done. Patients lose time, money, and sometimes their health in the process.

The consequences of these AI-driven decisions are devastating. Patients are forced to delay or forgo treatment, leading to worsening health outcomes. Families are left scrambling to cover costs, sometimes draining their savings or applying for Medicaid just to keep their loved ones alive. And all the while, the insurance companies’ bottom lines grow, as they save money by denying care.

This isn’t just about money. It’s about trust. When an AI overrides the judgment of a trained medical professional, it sends a chilling message: Your health doesn’t matter as much as our profits.

The most insidious part of this system is the message it sends to patients: If you can’t afford the medication you need, maybe you should just consider dying. After all, if the AI has decided that cheaper alternatives are “good enough,” and you can’t afford to pay out of pocket, what other choice do you have?

This dystopian reality is already here. AI is being used to make life-and-death decisions, often without transparency or accountability. And while insurance companies and their shareholders reap the benefits, patients are left to suffer the consequences.

So, ask yourself: Is death right for you? Because if we don’t push back against this system, the AI might just decide that it is.

Let’s not sugarcoat it—this is some stupid, infuriating nonsense, but it’s real. Reports from insiders who understand the inner workings of the insurance industry confirm that something is seriously wrong with the system. And while insurance companies might push back, claiming that all claims are reviewed by humans, let’s be honest: how much effort do you think those humans are actually putting into these reviews?

Since play work at home started with Covid do you think things are better or worse today when you try to contact someone at a company? How many times have you actually spoken with someone in this country where dogs or kids are in the background? Do you really believe that those employees are giving it their all?

Insurance companies love to assure us that every claim denial is carefully reviewed by a human being. But let’s make a bet: how thoroughly are these denials really being examined? Picture this—someone sitting at a desk, half-heartedly scrolling through claims while texting their spouse, checking Instagram, or playing Candy Crush. Do you think they’re giving your life-saving medication claim the attention it deserves? If they were, this kind of crap wouldn’t be happening.

What should be happening is HIPAA Compliance: AI systems must protect sensitive health information and ensure data privacy and security.

“And how was it that all of Baylor Scott And White’s database was hacked, stolen, and everyone’s personal information from medical, SS number, etc, stolen, with the lame statement from them that it happened, and an even lamer …sorry… you should watch your accounts and maybe change a password or something.”

CMS Guidance: The Centers for Medicare & Medicaid Services (CMS) requires that AI not be the sole decision-maker in coverage determinations, mandating human oversight to prevent unjust denials.  That might sound good, but my personal experience was not that. I am still arguing with AI, and it is stuck on, Is, death right for you?”

Bias Prevention and Transparency: AI algorithms must be monitored to avoid bias and ensure fair outcomes. Transparency and explainability are crucial for maintaining trust and regulatory compliance.

Continuous Monitoring: Regular audits and updates are necessary to ensure ongoing compliance with evolving regulations.

The truth is, many of these so-called “human reviews” are likely rubber-stamped approvals of decisions already made by AI algorithms. The human oversight is often a formality, a box to check so the insurance company can claim they’re doing their due diligence. But in reality, the system is designed to prioritize cost-cutting over patient care.

ScienceSoft offers AI-powered claim management systems that can instantly detect and reject fraudulent claims, deliver accurate damage estimates, and provide intelligent recommendations for risk prevention. Their solutions leverage machine learning and other AI technologies to streamline the entire claims process.

Tractable is known for its deep learning and computer vision solutions, which automate the claim cycle, including medical insurance claim verification. Their technology enables remote inspection and instant loss assessment, reducing manual intervention and expediting claim resolution.

Fathom specializes in automating medical coding, a critical component of claim verification. Their AI platform analyzes clinical notes to accelerate billing and ensure accurate claim submissions for healthcare providers.

Keragon provides AI-powered automation for healthcare claims processing, including eligibility verification and claims submission. Their platform reduces manual data entry, accelerates verification, and automates routine administrative work, making it accessible even for non-technical staff.

You could make lots of noise and bitch to your congressman about this, or … pay full price, or… Well…this is just part of what is to come if we don’t push back.

Can we get an AI program that can talk to their AI program and work things out? Maybe #MAHA needs to get involved.

Those politicians who rely on lobbyist money need substantial funds for their campaigns. Who do you think has a better shot of getting treated like they give a shit?

Stay Healthy, My Friends, because AI might consider that death is right for you.

Make sure you sign up for e-mails and follow…you know the drill.  This looks like a subject that needs to be in my book Stupid Shit, which is due to drop soon.  -Best

While some of this content is hyperbole for dramatic effect, the truth is that claims are being reviewed and denied by AI. While I have touched on just the drug aspect of medical claims, one has to wonder how far AI goes in determining your health care.

Navigating the Challenges of Writing in the AI Era

Navigating the Challenges of Writing in the AI Era

I had lunch with a dear friend recently—a lovely person who discovered that writing is, in fact, a business. Yes, a business. Like selling hot dogs or running a laundromat, except with more existential dread and fewer health inspections. Over sandwiches, we discussed the latest in literary absurdity: AI-driven software that can crank out an entire book faster than you can say, “What the actual fuck?” Apparently (and I can’t confirm this, but it sounds stupid enough to be true), Kindle Direct Publishing (KDP) now limits authors to uploading no more than three books a day. Three. A. Day. Because, you know, that’s a totally normal output for a human being and not at all a sign that Skynet is moonlighting as a romance novelist.

Let’s talk about writing a book the way most authors do—or at least the way we used to before AI started pooping out novels like a malfunctioning vending machine. Writing a book used to be a deeply personal, soul-crushing process that required creativity, discipline, and the kind of stubbornness usually reserved for toddlers refusing to eat broccoli. Here’s how it went down in the pre-AI era:

1. Generating Ideas

Back in the day, authors had to rely on their own brains to come up with ideas. No ChatGPT, no Bard, no “AI Muse 3000.” Just raw, unfiltered human creativity. Inspiration came from life experiences, dreams, or that one weird conversation you overheard at Starbucks where someone said, “I don’t care if it’s illegal, I’m marrying the ferret.” Writers carried notebooks everywhere, jotting down ideas like lunatics scribbling manifestos.

For example, when I wrote a book about sailing, I didn’t just Google “how to sail” and call it a day. No, I lived it. I chartered a sailboat, had the crew walk me through the process, and spent the day pretending I was Captain Jack Sparrow (minus the eyeliner and rum). That night, when I lay down in my hotel bed, the room was still swaying. That’s the kind of detail you can’t fake. That’s world-building, baby.

2. Outlining the Story

Once you had an idea, you had to outline it. This was where the real masochism began. You’d map out the plot, develop characters with backstories more complicated than your family drama, and, if you were writing sci-fi or fantasy, create entire worlds with their own rules, languages, and economies. It was like playing God, except no one worshipped you, and you didn’t get a day off.

Some writers “pantsed” their way through the story (a.k.a. winging it like a drunk pilot), while others meticulously planned every chapter. I personally use a beat sheet from Save the Cat, because apparently, I enjoy turning my creative process into a spreadsheet. Nothing says “art” like Excel.

3. Writing the First Draft

Ah, the first draft. The part where you sit down, stare at a blank page, and think, “Why the hell did I decide to do this?” Writing was slow, painful, and required the kind of discipline usually associated with monks or Navy SEALs. You’d aim for a specific word count each day, and if you hit it, you’d reward yourself with chocolate or alcohol—or both.

Writer’s block was a constant companion. Without AI to suggest ideas, you had to push through it on your own. Some people went for walks. Others screamed into the void. I personally found inspiration in coffee, wine, and the occasional existential crisis.

4. Revising and Editing

Once the first draft was done, the real torture began: revising. You’d read your manuscript over and over, catching typos, fixing plot holes, and wondering why your protagonist sounded like a cardboard cutout. Beta readers would give you feedback like, “I didn’t connect with the characters,” or “This part was boring,” and you’d resist the urge to reply, “Well, Karen, maybe you’re boring.”

If you could afford it, you’d hire a professional editor. If not, you’d edit it yourself, which was like performing surgery on your own child. Painful, messy, and guaranteed to leave scars.

5. Research

Research is the necessary evil of writing, especially for non-fiction or historically accurate fiction. It’s the part of the process where you willingly dive headfirst into a rabbit hole of facts, only to emerge hours later wondering why you now know the mating habits of 18th-century pigeons but still haven’t figured out what your protagonist’s name is. Research is both a blessing and a curse—it gives your work depth and believability, but it also makes you question your life choices when you’re Googling things like, “How long does it take for a body to decompose in a swamp?” and praying your internet provider isn’t judging you.

For example, if you’re writing sci-fi, you might find yourself studying quantum physics or emerging technologies, which sounds impressive until you realize you’re just trying to figure out how to explain time travel without sounding like a lunatic. Or, if you’re me, you might Google “how to sabotage an airplane” and then spend the next week convinced that the FBI is about to kick down your door. I mean, imagine it: covert agents taping over your outdoor cameras, RF jamming your phone so you can’t call for help, cutting the power to your house, shooting your dogs (RIP, Fido), and snipers perched in trees a mile away, just waiting for you to answer the door in your pajamas—or, let’s be honest, nude—so they can interrogate you about your questionable search history.

Wait. I never Googled that. Nope. Never happened. But damn, wouldn’t that make a killer chapter in a thriller? Picture it: the protagonist is a writer who accidentally stumbles onto some classified government conspiracy while researching their next book. Suddenly, their innocent Google searches turn into a one-way ticket to paranoia-ville, complete with black SUVs tailing them and mysterious men in suits showing up at their local coffee shop. Someone call Netflix—I think I just wrote their next hit series.

But seriously, research is the backbone of good writing. Whether you’re crafting a historical epic or a sci-fi adventure, you need to know your shit. As Patricia Leslie points out, research is essential for both fiction and non-fiction writers. It helps develop characters, make settings believable, and weave fact and fiction together so seamlessly that readers can’t tell where one ends and the other begins

For non-fiction, accuracy is king. For fiction, it’s more like a benevolent dictator—you can bend the rules a little, but you still need to know what you’re doing.

The trick is to use research as a tool, not a crutch. Sure, you could spend weeks poring over vintage newspapers or interviewing experts, but at some point, you have to stop researching and start writing. Otherwise, you’ll end up with a head full of useless trivia and no book to show for it. And let’s be honest, no one’s going to be impressed that you know the exact dimensions of a 16th-century guillotine unless you actually use that knowledge in your story.

So, to all the writers out there: research responsibly. And maybe clear your browser history every now and then, just in case. You never know when the FBI might decide to pay you a visit.

6. Finding a Publisher

Before self-publishing, authors had to grovel at the feet of literary agents and publishers. You’d write query letters, pitch your book, and wait months for a response, only to get a rejection that said, “Not for us, but good luck!” It was like online dating, except instead of ghosting you, they sent a polite “no.”

7. Marketing and Promotion

Even after all that, the work wasn’t done. Authors had to promote their books like used car salesmen. Book tours, media appearances, social media campaigns—you name it. You’d beg people to buy your book, and they’d say, “I’ll wait for the movie.” Thanks, Aunt Linda.

The AI Problem

Now, thanks to AI, anyone can “write” a book in minutes. But let’s be honest: these programs aren’t writing books; they’re shitting them out. And the result? A flood of mediocre, soulless content clogging up the literary world like a fatberg in a sewer.

I’m all for technology as a tool. Word, Grammarly, ProWritingAid—these are great. But AI-generated books? That’s where I draw the line. I’m pushing for legislation that requires AI-generated books to wear a big, ugly label that says, “This was written by a robot.” Readers deserve to know if the “author” of their favorite romance novel is a human or a glorified toaster.

Final Thoughts

Writing is a job. A hard, thankless, occasionally soul-sucking job. There are days when I stare at my manuscript and think, “Why am I doing this?” But then I remember: because I love it. Because it’s who I am. And because the world needs more books written by real people with real stories to tell.

My book, Stupid Shit, is coming soon. Subscribe today so you can grab a copy when it drops. Trust me, it’ll be worth it. Or don’t. I’m not your mom.

-Best

Today’s Stupid Shit Moment: Independence Day Edition

Today’s Stupid Shit Moment: Independence Day Edition

Ah, Independence Day. A time for fireworks, BBQs, and, apparently, a parade of people doing stupid shit that makes you question how we’ve survived as a species this long. For those of you in the U.S. or Americans abroad, Happy Independence Day! You’ve earned it. Well, most of you. Some of you are out there being paid to metaphorically (and maybe literally) piss your pants in public because you think it’s a good idea to protest a president who—brace yourselves—actually believes in putting America first. Shocking, I know.

To those of you playing the role of “useful idiot,” let me just say, your about as helpful as a parachute that opens on impact.

Oh, and while you’re out there playing political charades, make sure you report that dark money on your taxes. Seriously. Uncle Sam doesn’t give a shit about your “cause,” but he will care about the fact that you’re skipping out on your dues. If you think you’re above the law when it comes to taxes, let me introduce you to a little history lesson: Al Capone. You know, the guy who ran an entire criminal empire but got taken down because he couldn’t be bothered to file his 1040? Yeah, that guy.

And don’t think for a second that you’re too clever to get caught. The IRS is like a bloodhound with a caffeine addiction—they’ll sniff out your shady finances faster than you can say “offshore account.” And when they do, don’t be surprised if your new address is Alligator Alkatraz, the newest prison where tax evaders go to share a cell with a gator named Chompers. Spoiler alert: Chompers doesn’t care about your political affiliations, but he does care about how tasty you look.

I hear the mosquitoes in the newest Florida prison create a relentless, high-pitched buzzing, a cacophony that makes the alligators sound like gentle giants in comparison.

So, here’s some free advice: stop trying to Jedi-mind-trick people into thinking your bullshit is revolutionary, pay your damn taxes, and maybe—just maybe—try doing something productive for once. Like knitting. Or learning how to juggle. Or, I don’t know, not being a walking punchline.

Now, don’t get me wrong—I get it. I understand both sides of the equation. Communism? Not the answer. Hating on cops? Also not the answer. And for the love of all that is holy, tossing 90-year-old grandmas who crossed the border illegally into the slammer? Yeah, probably not the answer either. But here’s the kicker: it’s above your pay grade to fix all this shit. So maybe stop taking dark money to unravel the fabric of this country faster than a cheap sweater in a washing machine. Just a thought.

A quick thank you to the real MVPs.

To the veterans who sacrificed so we could have these kinds of conversations (and by “conversations,” I mean yelling at each other on Twitter): thank you. You’re the reason we can argue about stupid shit like pineapple on pizza or whether Die Hard is a Christmas movie.

To law enforcement: you’re the best. We back the blue—well, the ones who actually support the American people. The rest of you? Maybe consider a career change. I hear Starbucks is hiring.

For the Writers Out There: How to Make It Big (Without Losing Your Mind)

Now, let’s pivot to something less rage-inducing and more productive: writing. I know a lot of you dream of being “independent” from working for The Man. You want to write your way to fame and fortune, sipping margaritas on a beach while your books sell themselves. Spoiler alert: it’s not that easy. But it’s not impossible either. Let’s take a look at two wildly successful authors—J.K. Rowling and E.L. James—and see what we can learn from their journeys.

Secrets of Success for Authors Like J.K. Rowling and E.L. James

Perseverance and Resilience J.K. Rowling was a single mom living in poverty, writing in cafes while her baby drooled on her shoulder. She got rejected 12 times before Bloomsbury finally said, “Fine, we’ll publish your wizard book.” E.L. James? She started in fanfiction, reworking her stories into the “Fifty Shades” trilogy after getting feedback from online communities. Moral of the story? Rejection is just the universe’s way of saying, ‘Not yet, bitch.’

Don’t skim, read; this text is full of wisdom.

Unique and Relatable Stories Rowling gave us a magical world with themes like friendship, loss, and courage. E.L. James? She tapped into a niche market with her bold, unconventional storytelling. (Translation: she made BDSM mainstream. You’re welcome, society.) The lesson here? Be unique. Be relatable. And if all else fails, throw in some handcuffs.

Discipline and Hard Work Rowling rewrote the opening chapter of Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone 15 times. FIFTEEN. Meanwhile, James worked tirelessly to turn her fanfiction into a polished trilogy. The takeaway? Writing is hard. Suck it up and do the work.

Embracing Criticism and Rejection Both authors faced rejection and criticism. Rowling’s manuscript was rejected by multiple publishers, and James got roasted for her writing style. But guess what? They didn’t quit. They used the feedback to improve. Pro tip: Grow a thick skin. You’re gonna need it.

Leveraging Opportunities and Platforms E.L. James started in online fanfiction communities, building a loyal audience before going mainstream. Rowling expanded her books into films, merchandise, and theme parks. The lesson? Use every platform at your disposal. And don’t be afraid to think big.

Passion and Authenticity Both authors wrote stories they were passionate about. Rowling loved storytelling, and James was enthusiastic about exploring unconventional themes. (Again, handcuffs.) The point? Write what you love. Your passion will shine through.

Timing and Luck Talent and hard work are crucial, but timing and luck also play a role. Rowling’s manuscript landed on the right desk at the right time, and James’ trilogy blew up during the rise of digital publishing. The takeaway? You can’t control luck, but you can control how prepared you are when it strikes.

Building a Brand Rowling turned Harry Potter into a global empire. James capitalized on her trilogy with movie adaptations. The lesson? Think beyond the book. Could your work inspire a podcast, a screenplay, or even a line of merch? The possibilities are endless.

Final Thoughts for Aspiring Writers

Writing is a grind. It’s messy, frustrating, and sometimes feels like you’re screaming into the void. But it’s also rewarding as hell. So keep at it. Write your stupid shit. Share your stupid shit. And who knows? Maybe one day, your stupid shit will make you famous.

Now go forth and conquer. Or at least write something that doesn’t make people want to gouge their eyes out. Happy writing!

As for my book, Stupid Shit, let me tell you something: just when I think I’ve finally wrapped it up, the world goes, “Hold my beer,” and hands me yet another steaming pile of stupidity to write about. It’s like the universe is running a 24/7 stupidity buffet, and I’m the poor bastard with an all-you-can-eat pass. Seriously, I could be typing “The End” and BAM—someone out there decides to try and deep-fry a frozen turkey in their living room. Or, I don’t know, invents a new TikTok challenge that involves licking electrical outlets.

I mean, I try to filter out the mundane, everyday dumb shit—like people who still don’t know how to use a turn signal or those who microwave metal forks. That’s amateur hour. No, I’m here to bring you the absolute stupidest shit imaginable. The kind of stupidity that makes you stop, stare, and wonder how we’ve made it this far as a species without accidentally walking into the ocean en masse.

And let’s be real: I don’t just do this for you. Writing this book is therapy for me. Because if I didn’t laugh at this stuff, I’d probably be curled up in a corner, rocking back and forth, muttering, “Why, humanity, why?” But for you? It’s humor. It’s a front-row seat to the circus of idiocy that is modern life.

So, stay tuned. The world keeps giving me material, and I’ll keep serving it up hot and fresh. Because if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s this: stupid shit never takes a day off.

Dissecting 2012: The Hero’s Journey Explained

Dissecting 2012: The Hero’s Journey Explained

I don’t always watch movies on TV, but when I do, it’s usually because I’ve run out of excuses to avoid them. Truth be told, the last time I sat down for a cinematic experience, Twisters was still blowing cows across the screen. Why the long hiatus? Well, when you’ve written over 90 million words (yes, I counted), your brain tends to treat “relaxation” like a mythical creature—something you’ve heard about but never actually seen. But hey, even the most overworked wordsmith deserves a mental vacation every now and then, right?

So, I decided to dust off my popcorn bowl and dive into 2012, Roland Emmerich’s epic disaster flick. But because I’m a writer (and therefore incapable of turning off my analytical brain), I thought it’d be fun to dissect the movie through the lens of the Hero’s Journey. If you’re not a writer, you might be thinking, “Why should I care?” And honestly, fair point. But stick around—there’s a good chance you’ll leave this with a newfound appreciation for both storytelling and John Cusack’s ability to outrun the apocalypse in a limo.

The Hero’s Journey: A Quick Crash Course

Before we dive into the fiery pits of 2012, let’s talk about the Hero’s Journey—a storytelling framework so universal it’s basically the avocado toast of narrative structures. Coined by Joseph Campbell, it’s the blueprint for every epic tale, from The Odyssey to Star Wars to, yes, 2012. Here’s the gist:

Ordinary World: The hero starts in their boring, everyday life. Think “before Frodo left the Shire” or “before Harry got his Hogwarts letter.”

Call to Adventure: Something shakes up the status quo. Usually, it’s a big ol’ problem that can’t be ignored.

Refusal of the Call: The hero hesitates because, let’s face it, saving the world sounds exhausting.

Meeting the Mentor: Enter the wise guide who says, “You’ve got this!” (or, in some cases, “You’re doomed, but good luck!”).

Crossing the Threshold: The hero leaves their comfort zone and steps into the unknown. Cue dramatic music.

Tests, Allies, and Enemies: The hero faces challenges, makes friends, and punches bad guys (or, in this case, dodges tsunamis).

The Ordeal: The big, climactic moment where everything’s on the line.

The Reward: The hero achieves their goal—or at least survives long enough to celebrate.

The Road Back: Time to head home, but not without a few more hurdles.

The Resurrection: The hero emerges transformed, wiser, and probably in need of a nap.

Return with the Elixir: The hero brings back something valuable to share with the world. (Spoiler: It’s usually not an actual elixir. Sorry.)

How 2012 Fits the Hero’s Journey (With a Dash of Chaos)

1. The Ordinary World

Meet Jackson Curtis (John Cusack), a struggling writer and part-time limo driver. His life is as ordinary as it gets—divorced, juggling kids, and probably wondering why his book sales are flatter than a pancake. If this were a sitcom, his biggest problem would be forgetting his ex-wife’s birthday. But alas, this is a disaster movie, so things are about to get way worse.

2. The Call to Adventure

Jackson stumbles upon a conspiracy theorist (Woody Harrelson, in peak “crazy guy with a radio” mode) who warns him that the world is about to end. Naturally, Jackson’s first reaction is, “Yeah, okay, buddy.” But then the ground starts cracking open like a dropped egg, and suddenly, Charlie’s ramblings don’t seem so far-fetched.

3. Refusal of the Call

At first, Jackson doesn’t take the whole “apocalypse” thing seriously. I mean, who would? But when Los Angeles starts collapsing faster than my New Year’s resolutions, he realizes it’s time to grab the kids and hit the road. Or, in this case, the sky—because nothing says “family bonding” like escaping in a private plane.

4. Meeting the Mentor

Charlie Frost, our lovable doomsday prophet, serves as Jackson’s mentor. Sure, he’s a little unhinged, but he’s got the inside scoop on the government’s secret arks (because of course there are secret arks). His advice? “Head to the Himalayas.” His delivery? Equal parts helpful and unhinged.

5. Crossing the Threshold

This is where things go from “bad” to “holy crap.” Jackson and his family narrowly escape a crumbling Los Angeles in a limo—a scene so over-the-top it makes Fast & Furious look like a documentary. They’re officially in the unknown now, where survival is the name of the game.

6. Tests, Allies, and Enemies

The Curtis clan faces obstacle after obstacle: collapsing cities, selfish billionaires, and the occasional volcanic eruption. Allies include a Russian billionaire’s kids (because nothing says “teamwork” like rich kids in peril) and a geologist who’s trying to save humanity. Enemies? Pretty much everything else, including gravity.

7. Approach to the Inmost Cave

The gang finally reaches the Himalayas, where the arks are being prepped. But there’s a catch: they don’t have tickets. (Pro tip: Always RSVP to the apocalypse.) Sneaking aboard becomes their next big challenge.

8. The Ordeal

This is the big one. A massive tsunami threatens to destroy the ark, and Jackson has to risk his life to save everyone onboard. It’s tense, it’s dramatic, and it’s exactly what you’d expect from a movie where the stakes are literally “the end of the world.”

9. The Reward

Jackson and his family make it onto the ark, securing their survival. Humanity gets a second chance, and Jackson gets to be the hero his kids always wanted him to be. Win-win.

10. The Road Back

As the waters recede, the survivors aboard the ark prepare to face a drastically altered Earth. It’s a bittersweet moment—kind of like realizing you’ve survived a marathon, only to remember you still have to walk home.

11. The Resurrection

Jackson’s journey transforms him into a braver, more selfless version of himself. He reconciles with his family, proving that even in the face of global annihilation, there’s always time for personal growth.

12. Return with the Elixir

The survivors represent humanity’s chance to rebuild. Jackson’s “elixir” isn’t a magical potion—it’s hope, resilience, and the knowledge that even in the darkest times, we can find a way forward. (Cue inspirational music.)

Why the Hero’s Journey Matters

The Hero’s Journey isn’t just a storytelling formula—it’s a mirror for our own lives. We all face challenges, doubts, and moments of transformation. Sure, most of us aren’t dodging tsunamis or sneaking onto arks, but the core themes—struggle, growth, redemption—are universal. And that’s why it works, whether you’re writing a novel, watching 2012, or just trying to survive Monday morning.

So, the next time you watch a movie, ask yourself: Where’s the hero? What’s their journey? And most importantly, could you outrun an earthquake in a limo? (Spoiler: Unless you’re John Cusack or have a death wish, the answer is a resounding “hell no.”) But hey, if you’re feeling confident, go ahead and try. Just make sure someone’s filming it so the rest of us can enjoy your inevitable failure on YouTube.

Speaking of disasters, have you signed up for my emails yet? No? Why the hell not? What are you waiting for—a personal invitation? Fine. Here it is:

Dear Reader, please sign up for my emails so I can spam you with my questionable wisdom and occasional nuggets of brilliance. Love, Me.

There. Now you have no excuse. Unless, of course, you’re one of those people who still uses AOL and thinks email is for “serious business only.” In which case, I can’t help you.

Now, let me tell you about my current juggling act. I’m working on not one, but two books at the same time. That’s right—two. Because apparently, I enjoy torturing myself. One of them is called Stupid Shit, which, let’s be honest, is probably why you’re here. The other one? 1300 Feet Per Second, which is a psychological thriller.

And because I’m such a generous soul, I even find time to share blog posts about stupid shit. Or, occasionally, not-so-stupid shit. You know, for balance. It’s like a treasure chest of wisdom, except instead of gold coins, you’re getting sarcastic commentary and unsolicited advice. But hey, treasure is treasure, right? So go ahead—take something from my trove of brilliance. Or at least pretend you already knew all this stuff so I can feel like I’m making a difference.

Have a nice Day!

More Stupid Shit

More Stupid Shit

and media manipulation

Vance Boelter, a man clearly not invited to the “Let’s Make Good Life Choices” seminar, decided one day to spice things up by dressing as a cop, strolling up to a Minnesota lawmaker’s house, and committing straight-up cold-blooded murder. Bold move, Vance. Bold, stupid-as-hell move.

Now, as gruesome and shocking as that is, what really takes the cake here is the way Alexa—yes, Amazon’s Alexa—decided to break the news. Imagine walking into your kitchen, coffee in hand, ready to fight the soul-sucking Monday ahead, when your helpful little robot assistant pops up with:

“A murder occurred at the home of a Democratic Lawmaker. The perpetrator shot the husband and wife in cold blood.”

To be honest, the newsflash should have left out the word Democrat… Whoever writes this shit knows what they are doing and trust me, its deliberate.

Well, damn, Alexa. Way to brighten my day. That’s one hell of a headline to pair with my toast and jam. But you know what they didn’t mention? What they just conveniently left out? That Vance was… wait for it… a Democrat appointee, courtesy of Governor Tim Walz himself. Yeah, let that marinate. Tens of thousands of people see that vague little nugget of information and immediately start imagining some MAGA-hat-wearing lunatic foaming at the mouth. Because that’s what we do now: jump to conclusions faster than a squirrel on espresso.

Public Opinion: A Circus of Stupidity

This, ladies and gentlemen, is how public opinion is formed. Not with facts or nuance or even a shred of common sense. Nope. Just a headline and a whole lot of assumptions. And let’s be real here—critical thinking is about as popular these days as a Nickelback reunion tour. Nobody questions anything, nobody digs deeper. The media throws you a bone, and we all run with it like we’re championship greyhounds.

But wait! There’s more! Because, of course, there’s always more stupid shit to pile on top of the already steaming heap. Enter Alex Padilla, the guy who apparently thought it was a good idea to crash Kristi Noem’s press conference (because why not, right?). This same dude is now trying to tie these murders to Trump’s campaign. Yes, you read that right. The murders. Trump. Connected. Somehow. It’s like a bad game of Mad Libs where every blank gets filled with “Trump” because nobody knows what else to say anymore.

Why Are We Like This?

And here’s the million-dollar question: Why are tensions rising? Why is everybody so angry all the damn time? Well, buckle up, because here’s the answer—it’s stupid shit like this. The media stirs the pot with half-truths, people gobble it up without question, and before you know it, everyone’s picking sides and throwing punches. It’s human nature, sure, but it’s also human stupidity in its purest form.

So, there you have it. Murder, media, and a masterclass in how to divide a population. If this isn’t the poster child for my upcoming book, Stupid Shit, I don’t know what is. Oh, and if you’re still here, sign up for emails so you can snag the book on KDP when it drops because nothing cures the existential dread of living in a divided society like laughing at the sheer absurdity of it all.

Learn to ask questions and stop assuming shit.

-Scott