Tag: fantasy

Unraveling Family Secrets: My Journey with Amelia Earhart

Unraveling Family Secrets: My Journey with Amelia Earhart

A few weeks ago, I shared this story on the Reedsy website as part of a contest—one that feels just about as realistic as actually locating my distant cousin, Amelia Earhart. However, today I wanted to share it with you, my audience. Maybe it’ll brighten your day or spark a little curiosity about the connections we all might share, even on this very site.

You see, we all hear stories about our relatives from eons ago, whispers passed down through generations, fragments of lives that shaped who we are. For me, those whispers were irresistible. As a writer, I had to know the truth, no matter who my ancestors turned out to be. Even if they were mafia bosses or obscure nobodies, I knew there would be tales worth telling.

So, I did the DNA thing. I poured time, energy, and more money than I’d like to admit into genealogy research. And what I unraveled was a tapestry of intrigue that stretched far beyond what I ever expected.

My childhood was a kingdom built on whispers, stories of valor, tradition, royalty, and scandal that seemed to weave themselves into the very air I breathed. A haze of cigar smoke clung to the image of a defiant political figure, while hushed voices hinted at royal blood flowing through my veins. And always, in the background, there was a shadow—a darker figure, the man who erased eighteen minutes of history in Washington.

These weren’t just stories. They were my inheritance. Power. Secrets. A kaleidoscope of intrigue buried deep in my DNA.

When I finally cracked open the past, these stories took on new life. The more I dug, the more I found royalty, scandal, and power. And then, Amelia Earhart. A name that needs no introduction. A name that leapt off the pages of history and into my family tree.

A distant cousin. A bold trailblazer. A perfect metaphor for navigating uncharted waters or even waiting to be rescued.

But this isn’t just a story about her disappearance. It’s about the echoes she left behind, the way her legacy is stitched into the fabric of history—and, somehow, into me.

So here’s to the past, to the stories we inherit, and to the ones waiting to be uncovered. Sometimes, they lead to royalty. Sometimes, to scandal. And sometimes, to Amelia Earhart.

***

Sunlight blazed on the Papua New Guinea airstrip. Heat waves distorted the cracked earth. Morning light reflected off the hangars. Only faint insect hums and distant tools broke the silence.

Amelia Earhart stood by her Lockheed Electra, calm but tense. Her tapping foot betrayed her unease. The Electra sat ready in the sun, engines primed. Dressed in khaki slacks and a white blouse, her sharp gaze cut through the moment. Waiting wasn’t her strength.

Noonan was late.

Her sigh cut through the silence. Frustration burned in her chest, but beneath it churned something colder: anxiety. A storm of nerves tightened her gut. Ahead of them stretched 2,556 miles of ruthless ocean, no markers, no mercy. Just an endless expanse of restless blue. Howland Island? A speck on the map. Miss it, and they were nothing but ghosts swallowed by the sea.

She turned the thought over in her mind, locking it away behind a mask of calm. This leg was different. She felt it in her bones, and Fred did too, though he hadn’t dared say it out loud. He didn’t have to. The radio was dying, had been for days. Their antenna? A jury-rigged prayer held together by wire and hope. Every burst of static from the speaker stabbed like a cruel reminder: their mission was a house of cards, teetering in the wind.

A breeze stirred, carrying the damp tang of jungle earth. Amelia closed her eyes, letting it brush against her, grounding her. She thought of George, waiting for her back home. The reporters, waiting to write her triumph or her obituary. And the little girls, faces she’d never seen, who dreamed of reaching the sky because she’d dared to take it. Their dreams hung on her wings, and the weight of it all pressed down on her like lead.

Footsteps broke through the humid stillness.

She opened her eyes. Fred was striding toward her, untucked and unshaven, his hair a wild mess. That grin was back, the cocky, boyish grin he always wore, like danger was something he could charm away. Like the ocean wasn’t out there, waiting to swallow them whole.

“You’re late,” Amelia said, her voice slicing through the thick air like a propeller blade.

He strolled toward her, his untucked shirt flapping lazily in the breeze, that cocky, devil-may-care grin plastered across his face. “Morning, boss,” he drawled, like they were gearing up for a casual Sunday jaunt instead of staring down the most perilous stretch of their lives.

“Fred,” she said, her voice low and edged with steel, “this isn’t just another leg of the journey.”

“I get it, Amelia. I do.”

She gave a single, sharp nod. “Let’s go,” she said.

Without waiting for a reply, Amelia spun on her heel and strode toward the Electra. Behind her, Fred fell in line, tugging his shirt straight and rolling his shoulders back, as if shaking off the weight of what lay ahead. The plane loomed in the distance, its silver body catching the light.

They were all set. Or as prepared as anyone could possibly be for this.

The engines roared to life, a symphony of power and defiance, drowning out words, fears, and second thoughts.

Hours into the flight, the sky burned with the last light of the setting sun, the horizon splitting into gold and crimson hues. In the cockpit, Fred studied the stars, his hands steady, his mind focused. The constellations were their map, their lifeline in the endless blue expanse.

The stars wouldn’t wait forever. Clouds crept across the sky, swallowing their guides one by one. If Fred hadn’t overslept, they’d be closer to safety by now, before the night went blind.

The overcast wasn’t just inconvenient; it was catastrophic. The stars, his lifeline, vanished behind an impenetrable shroud.

“Have you heard from the Itasca?” he asked.

“No,” Amelia said flatly. “I’ve announced our position. No response.”

Fred cursed, the broken antenna flashing in his mind. Who could they even reach out here?

“Can we climb above the clouds?” he shouted.

“We’re burning too much fuel,” she replied.

Fred slumped. No stars. No antenna. Radio silence. A storm churned ahead. Below: endless sea. All they had was the compass, and luck.

Rain hammered the windshield, the storm howling against the Electra’s fragile frame. Lightning tore jagged scars through the darkness. Inside the cockpit, there was no horizon, no bearings, only chaos.

“Fred, give me a heading!” Amelia yelled above the engine noise. “What is our location?”

Fred’s hands trembled as he wrestled with the compass. “I’m trying! The storm’s throwing it off, it’s spinning!”

The Electra shuddered, caught in the storm’s grip, as the ocean below waited, silent and merciless.

“We’ve been on this heading for three, maybe four hours,” Fred shouted, flipping through his maps. “If there’s a headwind, we’re burning more fuel than we thought. We should be near Howland by now.”

“‘Should be’?” Amelia snapped, her voice cutting like the storm outside. “Great. I’ll just ask the ocean to wait while we figure it out!”

Fred’s voice cracked. “I don’t know what to tell you! Without the stars, I’m flying blind! The compass is all we’ve got, and with this storm, it’s probably off!”

That was not the answer she was looking for. Without her instruments, she would most certainly crash them into the ocean. She couldn’t tell where the sky stopped, and the sea began.

Fred froze, pale and silent. The storm battered the plane, each gust shaking the Electra to its core. The fuel gauges ticked lower, the needles creeping toward empty.

Rain blurred the windshield, the instruments glowing faintly in the chaos. Lightning slashed through the black void, illuminating the endless Pacific below.

“I… I didn’t think it’d be this bad,” Fred muttered, his voice breaking. “I thought…”

Amelia cut him off, her words sharp as steel. “You thought what, Fred? That the Pacific would be kind? That we didn’t need the antenna. That we could just point the nose east and hope for the best?”

The plane lurched violently, throwing them forward. Amelia gritted her teeth, fighting the controls as the Electra groaned under the storm’s fury. For a moment, neither spoke. The pounding rain and roaring engines filled the silence.

She exhaled sharply, frustration hardening into focus. When she spoke again, her voice softened, though the fear lingered beneath.

“If the compass is all we’ve got, we use it, imperfect or not. We keep on this heading until we succeed or we go swimming.”

Fred nodded, his breath unsteady as he forced himself to focus. “You’re right. Okay. I’ll keep us on this heading. I’ll recheck the drift estimates and adjust for the wind. We’ll figure this out.”

Amelia’s eyes stayed locked on the storm ahead, her jaw tight. “We don’t have much time to figure anything out. The fuel’s going faster than it should. This headwind’s killing us.”

Fred hesitated, his voice catching. “How much flying time do we have left?”

“Three hours. Four, if we’re lucky.” Her voice was flat, her expression unyielding. “But luck’s not exactly on our side, is it?”

Fred dropped his gaze to the maps in his lap, his voice barely a whisper. “No. It’s not.”

Lightning flashed, flooding the cockpit with white-hot light. Fred’s face was pale, every tight line around his eyes carved with worry. Amelia’s grip on the yoke tightened, her knuckles bone-white. The plane shuddered again, the storm clawing at their fragile craft.

Fred tried to summon hope. “Maybe it’ll clear. Maybe the clouds will break, and I can get a fix on the stars.”

He stared at his maps, his voice barely above a whisper. “I’m sorry, Amelia. I should’ve fixed the antenna better. I should’ve been ready for this.”

His trembling hands adjusted the compass, eyes locked on the erratic needle jerking under the storm’s interference.

The engines droned unevenly, straining against the wind and rain. Somewhere out there was Howland. Their only option was to continue, slowly advancing as the immense Pacific stretched out beneath them.

The storm eased, just enough to reveal patches of rippling black ocean, infinite and indifferent. The Electra cruised low at 1,000 feet, its fuel gauges hovering dangerously near empty. Amelia’s face was set, her jaw locked. Fred sat in silence, ashen, gripping his map and compass as if they were the only things tethering him to hope.

Amelia shouted over the engines. “I’m calling the Itasca! Maybe they’ll hear us!”

“Itasca, this is Earhart. One thousand feet. Heading east. Position unknown. Low on fuel. Repeat, low on fuel. We estimate we’re near Howland Island. If you can hear us, we need assistance. Over.”

Amelia released the mic. The cockpit filled with an empty, mocking hiss.

Fred leaned forward, his voice barely a whisper. “Come on… please…”

Nothing. Just the relentless crackle of silence.

Amelia tried again. “Itasca, this is Earhart! Do you copy? We’re out of time! Over!”

The reply was the same.

Fred slammed his fist against the armrest, his frustration seething. “Damn it! They can’t hear us.”

The engines groaned as the storm eased, revealing only the vast, empty Pacific below. The fuel gauges hovered dangerously close to empty.

“We’re at our limit,” Amelia said softly, her voice calm but heavy. “These engines won’t last.”

Fred leaned forward. “Drop lower! We might see something, land, anything!”

Amelia hesitated, then tightened her grip on the yoke. “Fine. Hold on.”

The Electra dipped, skimming just above the waves. The engines strained as Fred pressed his face to the window, scanning the endless horizon.

“Wait!” he shouted, pointing frantically. “There! Off the left wing—do you see it?!”

Amelia squinted, her heart pounding. Then she saw it—a faint outline, waves breaking against something solid.

“An island,” Fred gasped. “That has to be it. Howland, or something close!”

Amelia’s voice stayed grim. “We get one shot. If we miss, we’re done.”

The fuel needle dropped to empty. She clenched her teeth, aligning the plane with the distant shadow.

“Steady,” she murmured.

Fred’s voice cracked. “What if it’s just a reef? Can we even land there?”

“Fred!” she barked. “Shut up and let me fly!”

The engines sputtered. One died. The propeller slowed, then stopped, and the Electra lurched violently. Amelia wrestled the controls, leveling the plane as the second engine coughed its final breath.

“Get ready!” she shouted, her voice echoing through the air. “If it’s not land, we’re going to have to start swimming!”

With a shudder, the second engine failed. The silence was overwhelming, with the only disruption coming from the wind’s fierce howl against the plane. The plane glided toward the surf, a fragile machine against the roar of the ocean.

“Come on,” Amelia whispered. “Just a little further…”

The plane skimmed the waves, the salt spray misting the windows, then slammed into the shore, a mix of sand and unforgiving rock. A flicker of hope ignited in that instant.

“Amelia!” Fred screamed. “Watch out!”

The plane jolted violently, slamming into jagged rocks. Water sprayed on either side as the Electra skidded to a halt, its crushed nose buried in sand.

Silence. No engines. No voices. Only the crash of distant waves and the groan of the battered fuselage settling into the earth.

The sudden stop from the harness’s grip on the seat stole her breath. Frozen, she sat, the ragged sound of her breath echoing in the silence. “Fred… you okay?” she rasped, the sound thin and frail.

The Electra lay in a shallow lagoon, its crumpled nose half-buried in sand and rock. Tidewater lapped at its sides, creeping into the fuselage. Overhead, the storm had broken, clouds parting to reveal faint moonlight on a desolate beach.

Inside the cockpit, they worked quickly, soaked and shaking.

Her wet gloves slipped against the straps, her arms screaming with fatigue, but she didn’t stop. Finally, the emergency radio came free. “Got it. Help me with the power unit.”

Fred staggered back, panting. “This thing weighs a ton. If the tide comes in faster…”

“We’ll make it,” Amelia declared, her voice echoing with a steely determination. “Keep moving.”

They climbed off the wing, plunging waist-deep into the frigid water. The cold sliced through their soaked clothes, stealing their breath, but they pressed on. The lagoon reeked of salt and damp earth, the steady crash of waves the only sound beyond their labored breaths.

Fred shivered, his voice thin. “Do you think anyone heard us? Before the engines died?”

Amelia didn’t look back; her gaze was locked ahead. “I don’t know. I hope so.”

Her voice was steady, but Fred caught the strain beneath it, the fear she buried under sheer determination. She gripped the radio tighter, the cold metal biting into her gloves.

The shore drew closer. Their boots sank into the shifting sand beneath the shallow water. The lagoon, now calm, mirrored the pale glow of the moon. Around them, debris, seaweed, driftwood, and jagged rocks littered the beach like the remains of a forgotten world.

Fred broke the silence. “God, it’s so quiet.”

“Quiet’s better than thunder,” Amelia replied. “Let’s get everything to higher ground before the tide takes it.”

They fell onto the sand, the power unit hitting with a thud. Amelia rolled her aching shoulders. Fred gasped, dropping to his knees, the flashlight shaking.

“Could this be Howland?” he asked.

Amelia scanned the dark horizon, hands braced on her knees. “Maybe. Or another island nearby. Hard to tell in the dark.”

Fred’s voice wavered. “And if it’s not? What if it’s just… nothing? An empty speck in the middle of nowhere?”

Amelia straightened, her tone steady. “Then we survive. One step at a time.”

Fred’s pale face was fixed on the lagoon as he nodded slowly. The wrecked Electra, a spectral outline, sat half-submerged, its broken form a chilling sight against the vast Pacific. Crushed by the vastness, he felt nothing but the weight of his isolation, with no rescue or certainty in sight. A wave of nausea caused his stomach to churn.

Amelia’s hand gripped his shoulder. “We’re not done yet,” she said, her voice resolute. “As long as we’re breathing, we’ve got a chance. Let’s get the radio set up.”

Each step was a struggle, their bodies stiff and heavy, yet necessity compelled them to move forward. As Amelia unpacked the radio, Fred dragged the power unit, its weight a heavy drag, near the tree line. Her numb fingers worked with painstaking slowness. The night buzzed around them, a symphony of insect hums and rustling palms, each sound piercing the silent air.

Fred’s eyes darted nervously toward the deep, looming shadows. “Do you think anything could possibly be living in this quiet place?”

Amelia kept her gaze fixed downward. “Let’s not make that a priority for now.”

With meticulous movements, Amelia connected wires while Fred held the flashlight, the beam dancing nervously as he glanced at the shadowy tree line. The faint moonlight cast an ethereal glow, barely holding back the darkness of the night.

At last, Amelia straightened, wiping her hands on her damp trousers. She exhaled slowly, her breath visible in the cool air.

“That’s it,” she said, her voice quiet but firm. “Let’s see if anyone’s listening.”

The switch clicked. The radio crackled to life, a faint, fragile hum. Hope jolted through them.

As Amelia grabbed the mic, the weight of the situation made her voice both steady and urgent. “Mayday, mayday,” a frantic plea cut through the otherwise silent airwaves.

Endless static stretched, creating a suffocating pressure. Fred’s heart pounded in his chest as he held his breath.

Amelia tried again, her tone firmer. “Mayday, mayday. This is Amelia Earhart. Is anyone there? Over.”

The radio teased them with faint crackles, as if a voice hovered just out of reach. But no reply came.

Fred closed his eyes, shoulders sagging in quiet defeat. Amelia lowered the mic, her jaw tight, her eyes sharp.

“They’ll hear us eventually,” she murmured, almost to herself. “We just have to keep trying.”

For a moment, neither spoke. The weight of their reality pressed down, heavy as the humid air. The moon hung low, casting long shadows across the beach. In the distance, waves broke softly against the shore, a haunting rhythm in the stillness.

“Help me light a fire, Fred.”

Gathering driftwood, Fred finally broke the silence, his voice barely audible. “What if no one comes?”

She didn’t answer right away, her gaze fixed on the horizon. When she spoke, her voice was calm, resolute.

“Then we survive, one way or another, we survive.”

And that, my friends, is how I want to believe they slid into the history books, as survivors.

-Scott

Share the Journey

If this story resonated with you, I’d love for you to share it with others who might enjoy unraveling tales of history, mystery, and legacy. Give me a follow and stay tuned, there are more stories to come, and I can’t wait to share them with you.

If this is the kind of content you love, let me know in the comments! Your thoughts, connections, and stories mean the world to me, and I’d love to hear what you think.

Here’s to exploring the past, uncovering truth, and finding stories worth telling. Stay curious. 🌟

  • #GenealogyJourney
  • #FamilyHistory
  • #DNAStories
  • #AncestryResearch
  • #DiscoverYourRoots
  • #HiddenHeritage
  • #AmeliaEarhart
  • #AviationHistory
  • #Trailblazer
  • #PioneeringWomen
  • #FlightLegends
  • #AviationMystery
  • #WritersLife
  • #StorytellingMatters
  • #CreativeWriting
  • #HistoricalFiction
  • #WritingCommunity
  • #MysteryWriters
  • #UnravelingThePast
  • #AdventureAwaits
  • #MysteryAndLegacy
  • #HiddenStories
  • #ExploreHistory
  • #BeyondTheHorizon
  • #HistoryLovers
  • #WomenInHistory
  • #LegacyOfCourage
  • #InspiredByHistory
  • #HistoricFigures
  • #UnsolvedMysteries

Dissecting 2012: The Hero’s Journey Explained

Dissecting 2012: The Hero’s Journey Explained

I don’t always watch movies on TV, but when I do, it’s usually because I’ve run out of excuses to avoid them. Truth be told, the last time I sat down for a cinematic experience, Twisters was still blowing cows across the screen. Why the long hiatus? Well, when you’ve written over 90 million words (yes, I counted), your brain tends to treat “relaxation” like a mythical creature—something you’ve heard about but never actually seen. But hey, even the most overworked wordsmith deserves a mental vacation every now and then, right?

So, I decided to dust off my popcorn bowl and dive into 2012, Roland Emmerich’s epic disaster flick. But because I’m a writer (and therefore incapable of turning off my analytical brain), I thought it’d be fun to dissect the movie through the lens of the Hero’s Journey. If you’re not a writer, you might be thinking, “Why should I care?” And honestly, fair point. But stick around—there’s a good chance you’ll leave this with a newfound appreciation for both storytelling and John Cusack’s ability to outrun the apocalypse in a limo.

The Hero’s Journey: A Quick Crash Course

Before we dive into the fiery pits of 2012, let’s talk about the Hero’s Journey—a storytelling framework so universal it’s basically the avocado toast of narrative structures. Coined by Joseph Campbell, it’s the blueprint for every epic tale, from The Odyssey to Star Wars to, yes, 2012. Here’s the gist:

Ordinary World: The hero starts in their boring, everyday life. Think “before Frodo left the Shire” or “before Harry got his Hogwarts letter.”

Call to Adventure: Something shakes up the status quo. Usually, it’s a big ol’ problem that can’t be ignored.

Refusal of the Call: The hero hesitates because, let’s face it, saving the world sounds exhausting.

Meeting the Mentor: Enter the wise guide who says, “You’ve got this!” (or, in some cases, “You’re doomed, but good luck!”).

Crossing the Threshold: The hero leaves their comfort zone and steps into the unknown. Cue dramatic music.

Tests, Allies, and Enemies: The hero faces challenges, makes friends, and punches bad guys (or, in this case, dodges tsunamis).

The Ordeal: The big, climactic moment where everything’s on the line.

The Reward: The hero achieves their goal—or at least survives long enough to celebrate.

The Road Back: Time to head home, but not without a few more hurdles.

The Resurrection: The hero emerges transformed, wiser, and probably in need of a nap.

Return with the Elixir: The hero brings back something valuable to share with the world. (Spoiler: It’s usually not an actual elixir. Sorry.)

How 2012 Fits the Hero’s Journey (With a Dash of Chaos)

1. The Ordinary World

Meet Jackson Curtis (John Cusack), a struggling writer and part-time limo driver. His life is as ordinary as it gets—divorced, juggling kids, and probably wondering why his book sales are flatter than a pancake. If this were a sitcom, his biggest problem would be forgetting his ex-wife’s birthday. But alas, this is a disaster movie, so things are about to get way worse.

2. The Call to Adventure

Jackson stumbles upon a conspiracy theorist (Woody Harrelson, in peak “crazy guy with a radio” mode) who warns him that the world is about to end. Naturally, Jackson’s first reaction is, “Yeah, okay, buddy.” But then the ground starts cracking open like a dropped egg, and suddenly, Charlie’s ramblings don’t seem so far-fetched.

3. Refusal of the Call

At first, Jackson doesn’t take the whole “apocalypse” thing seriously. I mean, who would? But when Los Angeles starts collapsing faster than my New Year’s resolutions, he realizes it’s time to grab the kids and hit the road. Or, in this case, the sky—because nothing says “family bonding” like escaping in a private plane.

4. Meeting the Mentor

Charlie Frost, our lovable doomsday prophet, serves as Jackson’s mentor. Sure, he’s a little unhinged, but he’s got the inside scoop on the government’s secret arks (because of course there are secret arks). His advice? “Head to the Himalayas.” His delivery? Equal parts helpful and unhinged.

5. Crossing the Threshold

This is where things go from “bad” to “holy crap.” Jackson and his family narrowly escape a crumbling Los Angeles in a limo—a scene so over-the-top it makes Fast & Furious look like a documentary. They’re officially in the unknown now, where survival is the name of the game.

6. Tests, Allies, and Enemies

The Curtis clan faces obstacle after obstacle: collapsing cities, selfish billionaires, and the occasional volcanic eruption. Allies include a Russian billionaire’s kids (because nothing says “teamwork” like rich kids in peril) and a geologist who’s trying to save humanity. Enemies? Pretty much everything else, including gravity.

7. Approach to the Inmost Cave

The gang finally reaches the Himalayas, where the arks are being prepped. But there’s a catch: they don’t have tickets. (Pro tip: Always RSVP to the apocalypse.) Sneaking aboard becomes their next big challenge.

8. The Ordeal

This is the big one. A massive tsunami threatens to destroy the ark, and Jackson has to risk his life to save everyone onboard. It’s tense, it’s dramatic, and it’s exactly what you’d expect from a movie where the stakes are literally “the end of the world.”

9. The Reward

Jackson and his family make it onto the ark, securing their survival. Humanity gets a second chance, and Jackson gets to be the hero his kids always wanted him to be. Win-win.

10. The Road Back

As the waters recede, the survivors aboard the ark prepare to face a drastically altered Earth. It’s a bittersweet moment—kind of like realizing you’ve survived a marathon, only to remember you still have to walk home.

11. The Resurrection

Jackson’s journey transforms him into a braver, more selfless version of himself. He reconciles with his family, proving that even in the face of global annihilation, there’s always time for personal growth.

12. Return with the Elixir

The survivors represent humanity’s chance to rebuild. Jackson’s “elixir” isn’t a magical potion—it’s hope, resilience, and the knowledge that even in the darkest times, we can find a way forward. (Cue inspirational music.)

Why the Hero’s Journey Matters

The Hero’s Journey isn’t just a storytelling formula—it’s a mirror for our own lives. We all face challenges, doubts, and moments of transformation. Sure, most of us aren’t dodging tsunamis or sneaking onto arks, but the core themes—struggle, growth, redemption—are universal. And that’s why it works, whether you’re writing a novel, watching 2012, or just trying to survive Monday morning.

So, the next time you watch a movie, ask yourself: Where’s the hero? What’s their journey? And most importantly, could you outrun an earthquake in a limo? (Spoiler: Unless you’re John Cusack or have a death wish, the answer is a resounding “hell no.”) But hey, if you’re feeling confident, go ahead and try. Just make sure someone’s filming it so the rest of us can enjoy your inevitable failure on YouTube.

Speaking of disasters, have you signed up for my emails yet? No? Why the hell not? What are you waiting for—a personal invitation? Fine. Here it is:

Dear Reader, please sign up for my emails so I can spam you with my questionable wisdom and occasional nuggets of brilliance. Love, Me.

There. Now you have no excuse. Unless, of course, you’re one of those people who still uses AOL and thinks email is for “serious business only.” In which case, I can’t help you.

Now, let me tell you about my current juggling act. I’m working on not one, but two books at the same time. That’s right—two. Because apparently, I enjoy torturing myself. One of them is called Stupid Shit, which, let’s be honest, is probably why you’re here. The other one? 1300 Feet Per Second, which is a psychological thriller.

And because I’m such a generous soul, I even find time to share blog posts about stupid shit. Or, occasionally, not-so-stupid shit. You know, for balance. It’s like a treasure chest of wisdom, except instead of gold coins, you’re getting sarcastic commentary and unsolicited advice. But hey, treasure is treasure, right? So go ahead—take something from my trove of brilliance. Or at least pretend you already knew all this stuff so I can feel like I’m making a difference.

Have a nice Day!