Tag: humor

Point Blank: Lessons I Learned on the Wrong Side of a Badge

Point Blank: Lessons I Learned on the Wrong Side of a Badge

Point Blank: Lessons I Learned on the Wrong Side of a Badge

A Book You Didn’t Know You Needed (But Oh, You Do)

Let me hit you with a question: Have you ever looked back on your life, shaking your head like, What the actual hell was I thinking? Ever had cops point guns at you like you just robbed a damn bank? Or been pulled over for speeding, on a bicycle? If you answered yes to any of that, welcome to the club. And if you didn’t, buckle up, because this book will give you a front-row seat to the kind of weirdness you didn’t know you needed in your life.

Now, take that “what the hell” feeling, crank it up to eleven, sprinkle in a heaping dose of stupidity, and slather it all with dark humor. That’s my life in a nutshell. Well, that, and now it’s also my book.

Point Blank isn’t just a catchy title, it’s basically the theme of my existence. It’s a front-row seat to the absurdity of growing up chasing lizards in Carrollton, Texas, and somehow ending up walking a tightrope between comedy and total catastrophe. And let’s be real—who hasn’t been there?

This book is my love letter to the moments that make life… well, incredibly dumb. It’s a collection of stories, life lessons, and the facepalm-worthy memories that prove one thing: no matter how much you think you’ve got life figured out, you don’t. (Spoiler alert: no one does.) But honestly, isn’t that where the fun is? In the ridiculous, the unexpected, and the holy-crap-why-is-this-happening moments?

So, What the Hell Is Point Blank About?

At its core, Point Blank is a comedic deep dive into life’s dumbest moments. But it’s not just that. It’s part memoir, part roast, part free therapy session (for me, not you). It’s the kind of book you pick up when life’s been kicking you in the teeth, and you need a reminder that you are not the only one out here navigating the chaos.

Here’s a little teaser of what you’re in for:

Lessons I Learned While Staring Down the Barrel of a Gun

Pro tip: Don’t try to argue your case with the cops on the side of the road. Just don’t.

How to Survive a Head-On Collision (And the Bureaucratic Circus That Follows)

Because apparently, getting hit by a drunk driver isn’t enough. Nope, fate has to throw in paperwork, insurance nightmares, and a side of complete nonsense.

The Great Paper Route Fiasco

Picture this: ink-stained hands, 5 a.m. bike rides, and a not-so-charming run-in with the local cops. (Spoiler: they weren’t impressed.)

“Arrest-Me Red” and Other Car Choices I’d Like to Forget

Fast cars, flashing lights, and one particularly chaotic road trip from Miami to Key West that felt more like a cop magnet convention.

Reinvention 101

From engineer to IT guy to sci-fi writer, because apparently, I like to keep my life as unpredictable as possible.

Why You’re Gonna Love This Book

Okay, I get it. You’re probably thinking: Do I really need another book about someone else’s ridiculous life? But hear me out, this one’s different. It’s not just about my life. It’s about our lives.

It’s about the universal stupidity we all encounter—the shared facepalm moments that remind us we’re all just winging it. You’ll laugh (hard). You’ll cringe (probably harder). You might even tear up a little, but only in that holy crap, this is too real kind of way.

Think of Point Blank as sitting down with that one friend who’s been through some serious shit, lived to tell the tale, and somehow managed to find the punchline in every disaster.

Who’s This Book For?

If you’ve ever made a decision so dumb it deserves its own monument, this book’s for you.

If you’ve ever looked at someone else’s life and thought, Well, at least I’m not that guy, this book’s definitely for you.

If you’re a fan of George Carlin’s brutal honesty, Douglas Adams’ absurd humor, or David Sedaris’ ability to find hilarity in misery, congrats—you’ve found your new favorite read.

If you just need a good laugh, a break, or a reminder that life’s most chaotic moments are often the most memorable, this book is 1000% for you.

Where to Read It

Picture this: You’re sitting on the toilet (don’t even pretend you don’t scroll or read in there), flipping pages or swiping through your phone, and suddenly you’re laughing so hard you almost fall off the damn seat. That’s what this book is for.

It’s for the bathroom, the waiting room, the coffee break, the long-ass flight, or those sleepless nights when you just want to escape the madness for a bit.

A Final Word

Point Blank isn’t just a book. It’s an experience. It’s a rollercoaster through the highs and lows, the WTF moments, and the laughs that make life worth living—and retelling.

So here’s the deal: Buy the book. Read the book. Laugh at the book. Share the book. And who knows? Maybe you’ll start seeing your own life in a slightly less serious, slightly more ridiculous light.

Because let’s face it, isn’t that what we’re all trying to do? Find the humor in the madness, make sense of the chaos, and keep moving forward, one hilariously stupid moment at a time.

Go grab your copy of Point Blank. Trust me, your life will be better (or at least funnier) for it.

Then do me a solid, give it a review from where you bought it, or even read it for free on KDP.

Stupid Shit the Tease…

Stupid Shit the Tease…

Have you ever found yourself utterly overwhelmed by stupid shit? Like, truly drowning in the sheer tsunami of idiocy that seems to be the hallmark of modern life? Yeah, me too. Welcome to the club—we meet on Thursdays, bring snacks.

First things first, let me level with you: I am a writer. Mostly, I stick to science fiction because imagining dystopian futures where robots take over the world is somehow less depressing than facing the actual stupidity happening outside my front door. But lately? Lately, folks, what we’re witnessing out there makes Orwell look like a f*cking monk calmly sipping tea in a monastery while the rest of the world burns.

So, why did I decide to write about this? Two reasons. A) Writing is cathartic, and frankly, if I don’t get this dumb shit out of my head and onto a page, I’ll probably end up yelling at pigeons in the park. And B) I thought, “Hey, why not channel my rage into something people might actually enjoy reading?” Because let’s face it: there’s enough depressing crap out there. What we need is a book that takes all this absurdity, rolls it in sarcasm, and serves it with a side of humor. That’s the goal here—keep it funny, keep it sharp, and for the love of God, keep it real.

Alright, folks, hold onto your hats because there might just be a third reason for all this madness. You see, when you take a good, hard look at the world’s dumpster fire of problems through the eyes of someone who’s not afraid to think outside the box—let’s call them “the wonderfully weird”—you might just stumble upon a few suggestions that’ll make you go, “What the actual f*ck?”

So, are you ready for this rollercoaster of absurdity? Buckle up, because here comes the wisdom from the land of ridiculous ideas!

Now, what you’re reading here is just a sample—a teaser, if you will. Think of it as the appetizer platter of stupidity. The original plan was to write a novella. You know, something short and sweet, around 10,000 words. But guess what? Surprise! This thing is now over 120,000 words and counting. At this rate, I’ll be challenging Tolstoy for the title of “longest book no one actually finishes.” Move over, War and Peace, here comes Stupid Shit.

The truth is, there’s just too much material. The world is bursting at the seams with stupidity, and it’s like trying to bail out the Titanic with a teaspoon. Everywhere you look, there’s another mind-numbing act of idiocy begging to be documented. It’s relentless. It’s exhausting. And honestly, it’s kind of impressive—like, I didn’t even know humans could be this dumb on such a consistent basis.

But here’s the thing: I’m not just writing this to vent (okay, mostly to vent). I’m writing this because we need to figure out how to slow the stupidity down before it suffocates us all. Or, at the very least, we need to learn how to laugh at it while we all collectively go down with the ship.

Now, ICE raids? They’re the authoritarian roommate equivalent of storming into your room at 3 a.m. and yelling, “EVERYONE OUT, NOW!” while you’re just trying to watch Netflix in peace. Naturally, people are pissed—and hence, the social media outrage, hence the reinactment of WWII in a city near you.

Here’s the kicker: being pissed off is like COVID—it’s damn catchy! Just like a smile can spread faster than a rumor in a high school cafeteria, the unbelievable bullshit that comes from doing something stupid, getting caught, and then pointing the finger at the cop like they were the ones who parked the car on the sidewalk? Yeah, it’s that stupid.

Seriously, it’s like a viral meme in the world of idiocy. One person’s meltdown can ignite a whole chain reaction of “Hold my beer, watch this!” moments. And trust me, the only thing worse than being the idiot in the spotlight is watching others join the parade of morons. So, let’s all take a moment to appreciate the sheer ridiculousness of it all—because if we don’t laugh, we might just end up crying.

In truth, this book—coming soon!—isn’t just a laugh riot; it’s packed with solid information about why we do the dumb shit we do and, more importantly, how to avoid becoming a useful idiot for the people who’ve mastered the fine art of mindf*cking the masses. Consider it your guide to dodging the bullshit and keeping your sanity intact in a world gone mad.

Riots, however, are protests’ drunk, angry cousin. They start with “Let’s make a point” and quickly turn into “Let’s burn some shit down!” It’s chaos: flipping cars, smashing windows, and, for some, a convenient excuse to loot a Walmart and snag a free TV. For example: LA today. Or yesterday. Or, honestly, pick any random Tuesday in LA. If you’re not sure whether it’s a protest or a riot, just check if there’s a couch on fire in the middle of the street. If yes? Riot. If not? Protest. It’s really that simple.

The ongoing riot in LA is a clusterf*ck of monumental proportions, and it all starts with a weak-ass governor who seems more interested in auditioning for a Netflix drama than actually governing. Gavin Newsom, the self-proclaimed savior of California, is out here juggling riots, forest fires, sky-high taxes, and his dream of forcing everyone into electric vehicles (you know, if you can afford one). At the same time, he hires his official photographer to capture his perfect hair. Oh, and let’s not forget his obsession with wind power—because nothing screams “leadership” like betting the farm on a breeze.

This clownshow thinks he can blog, tweet, and virtue-signal his way into the Oval Office by calling Trump a “loser” every five minutes. Meanwhile, LA is burning, businesses are being looted, and self-driving cars are literally on fire. But sure, Gavin, keep telling us how this is all Trump’s fault while you dare the National Guard to arrest you like you’re starring in some low-budget action movie.

Stay tuned, folks. Because if this is the kind of leadership Newsom’s bringing to the table, 2028 is shaping up to be one hell of a circus.

We’re being told not to believe our lying eyes—apparently, the riot is totally peaceful. But hey, why not ask the people who’ve lost their businesses, been pelted with rocks, or had Molotov cocktails tossed at them how “peaceful” it feels? I’m sure they’d have a different perspective. Were they out there roasting hot dogs on the burning cars? Maybe making s’mores while their livelihoods went up in flames?
Because nothing says “peaceful protest” like shattered windows, looted stores, and a bonfire made out of someone’s Toyota. But sure, let’s just keep pretending it’s all kumbaya and good vibes while the city looks like the set of a post-apocalyptic movie.

Maybe they honestly think it’s just a protest—because, let’s be real, the weed stores out there must have the best stuff. How else do you explain people standing in front of burning buildings, looted stores, and smashed-up cars saying, “Yup, totally peaceful, bro”? Whatever they’re smoking, it’s gotta be next-level.

The book’s clocking in at 120K words of pure, unfiltered chaos and will be hitting the market soon, with zero censorship. Want a front-row seat to the lunacy of our world? Sign up for emails and get ready to laugh, cry, and wonder how the hell we got here. Don’t miss out—because let’s face it, stupidity this good deserves to be shared.

-Best

Why I Value Critiques Over Prizes in Writing Contests

Why I Value Critiques Over Prizes in Writing Contests

This week’s entry…

Many of you know I frequently submit contest entries to Reedsy, aiming for several submissions each month.

While the tease, the carrot, if you will, of $250 is nice, the reality is that I don’t even consider that part of the prize that I am seeking.

People around the world read my stories. While a simple “like” is an affirmation in that they took the time to click like, it is for the critiques of other writers I seek.

Since they don’t know me, they can tell me what they honestly think or feel. I also reciprocate for the stories that I read. I do that with the good, the bad, and the ugly.

This week’s entry was posted, and I received the following review.

Scott, your story masterfully blends humor, serendipity, and heartfelt moments into a captivating narrative that made me feel like I was right there in the snowed-in airport. The line, “No, I’m not tired,” he whispered sadly, “but I’m also sad to see the blizzard ending,” encapsulates the bittersweet feeling of fleeting connections and new possibilities. Your depiction of Victor and Emma’s banter and chemistry, especially their shared frustrations and quick wit, is utterly delightful. The humor throughout the story—like Emma’s hilarious commentary on airport bars—kept the mood lively while the underlying emotions added depth. Your vivid descriptions, especially of the bustling airport bar and Victor’s nostalgia for Toad Suck, created a rich, immersive backdrop. This is a wonderfully crafted piece with humor, heart, and charm. Thank you for sharing such a delightful read!

I am not sharing this as a brag but as an example.

Countless similar contests, with their own unique rules and prizes, undoubtedly exist across various platforms and communities. For me, these contests are much like a recess from grade school—a welcome break from the pressures of work, a chance to let loose and have some fun, just like those carefree days of childhood. The prompt transports me from my project – be it the chilling winds and barren rocks of an alien planet or the plush carpets and rich scents of a movie star’s boudoir. The challenge is to meticulously plan my writing, unlike my spontaneous, free-flowing pantster style. With a maximum of 3000 words, creating the arc, the storyline, and so on is excellent practice for that New York Times bestseller that is looming in the near distance of my imagination.

Follow the link to my entry and see what you think. Was she right?

Recently, I published a book of these entries called Ephemera, Tales of the Fleeting and Profound. Another book with the same name, Vol II, is in the making as I take these stories, edit them, add to them as I see fit, and re-publish them as a book of short stories. You can find my work here.

Welcome to 2025 and your personal connection to someone passionate about the craft of writing.  Cheers!

Wisdom from Asia

Wisdom from Asia

Love this Asian Doctor!

Q: Doctor, I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?

A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that it… Don’t waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: Oh no. Wine made from fruit. Fruit very good. Brandy distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made of grain. Grain good too. Bottom up!
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A: Can’t think of one, sorry. My philosophy: No pain…good!
Q: Aren’t fried foods bad for you?

A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food fried in vegetable oil. How getting more vegetable be bad?
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: You crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming good for figure, explain whale to me.
Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?

A: Hey! ‘Round’ is shape!
Well… I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.
And remember:
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways – Chardonnay in one hand – chocolate in the other – body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming “WOO-HOO, what a ride!!”
AND……
For those of you who watch what you eat, here’s the final word on nutrition and health. It’s a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits.
CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.