Category: humor

Are you as moral as you think you are?

Are you as moral as you think you are?

 

This test only has one question, but it’s a very important one.

By giving an honest answer, you will discover where you stand morally.

The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation in which you will have to make a decision.

Only you will know the results, so remember that your answer needs to be honest.

 

 

 

THE SITUATION:

You are in Florida, Miami to be specific.

There is chaos all around you caused by a hurricane with severe flooding.

This is a flood of biblical proportions.

You are a photojournalist working for a major newspaper, and you’re caught in the middle of this epic disaster.

The situation is nearly hopeless.

You’re trying to shoot career-making photos.

There are houses and people swirling around you, some disappearing under the water.

.

THE TEST:

Suddenly you see a woman in the water.

She is fighting for her life, trying not to be taken down with the debris.

You move closer.

Somehow the woman looks familiar.

You suddenly realize who it is.

It’s Hillary Clinton!

At the same time, you notice that the raging waters are about to take her under forever.

 

YOU HAVE TWO OPTIONS:

You can save the life of Hillary Clinton or you can shoot a dramatic Pulitzer Prize winning photo, documenting the death of one of the world’s most powerful Democrats hell bent on the destruction of America.

 

 

THE QUESTION:

Here’s the question, and please give an honest answer.

“Would you select high contrast color film, or would you go with the classic simplicity of black and white?”

hillary angry 4

Before you write me nasty messages that I will ignore, this is humor!

 

MEN ARE JUST HAPPIER PEOPLE

MEN ARE JUST HAPPIER PEOPLE

MEN ARE JUST HAPPIER PEOPLE

 

Needs no explanation…and is a fun read no matter your gender.

 

What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park.

Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100. People never stare at your chest when you’re talking to them. New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks.

 

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Two pairs of shoes are more than enough.. You almost never have strap problems in public You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color.. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck.

 

You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes — one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.. You can ‘do’ your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache. You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives On December 24 in 25 minutes. No wonder men are happier.

 

NICKNAMES

� If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.

� If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba and Wildman.

 

EATING OUT

� When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it’s only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.

� When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

 

MONEY

� A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

� A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need but it’s on sale.

 

BATHROOMS

� A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.

� The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

 

ARGUMENTS

� A woman has the last word in any argument.

� Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

 

FUTURE

� A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

� A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

 

MARRIAGE

� A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.

� A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, but she does.

 

DRESSING UP

� A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.

� A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

 

NATURAL

� Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

� Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

 

OFFSPRING

� Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.

� A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

 

THOUGHT
FOR THE DAY

 

A married man should forget his mistakes. There’s no use in two people
remembering the same thing!

SO,
send this to the women who have a sense of humor…. and to the men who will enjoy reading

You are allowed to follow me…. Just saying… 🙂

Billions @realdonaldtrump

Billions @realdonaldtrump

 

bb85cfd1110a44959cf0ae2b2561fd1b-DEM2016Sanders-3987x2795-jpgAP-IMAGE-bb85cfd1110a44959cf0ae2b2561fd1b-DEM2016Sanders-3987x2795.jpg.2600x1462.wide.jpg
This guy thinks we need more taxes to pay for more entitlements.                                                                                                    

 

 

 

This is too true to be funny.

 

The next time you hear a politician use the
Word ‘billion’ in a casual manner, think  about
whether you want the ‘politicians’ spending
YOUR tax money.

A billion is a difficult number to comprehend,
But one advertising agency did a good job of
Putting that figure into some perspective in
One of its releases.

 

A.     
A billion seconds ago it was 1959.

 

B.     
A billion minutes ago Jesus was alive.

 

C.     
A billion hours ago our ancestors were
living in the Stone Age.

 

D.     
A billion days ago no-one walked on the earth on two feet.

 

E.
A billion dollars ago was only
8 hours and 20 minutes,
at the rate our government
is spending it.

 

While this thought is still fresh in our brain…
let’s take a look at New Orleans …
It’s amazing what you can learn with some simple division.

 

Louisiana Senator,
Mary Landrieu (D)
was asking Congress for
    
250
  BILLION DOLLARS
To
  rebuild New Orleans . Interesting number…
What does it mean?

 

A.     
Well .. If you are one of the 484,674 residents of New Orleans
(every man, woman and child)
You each get
     $516,528

 

B.     
Or… If you have one of the 188,251 homes in
New Orleans , your home gets
   $1,329,787.

 

C.     
Or… If you are a family of four…
Your family gets
    $2,066,012.

 

Washington , D.C     

HELLO!
    
Are all your calculators broken??

 

Building Permit Tax
CDL License Tax
Cigarette Tax
Corporate Income Tax
Dog License Tax
Federal Income Tax (Fed)
Federal Unemployment Tax (FU TA)
Fishing License Tax
Food License Tax
Fuel Permit Tax
Gasoline Tax
Hunting License Tax
Inheritance Tax
Inventory Tax
IRS Interest Charges (tax on top of tax)
IRS Penalties (tax on top of tax)
Liquor Tax
Luxury Tax
Marriage License Tax
Medicare Tax
Property Tax
Real Estate Tax
Service charge Taxes
Social Security Tax
Road Usage Tax (Truckers)
Sales Taxes
Recreational Vehicle Tax
School Tax
State Income Tax
State Unemployment Tax (SUTA)
Telephone Federal Excise Tax
Telephone Federal Universal Service Fee Tax
Telephone Federal, State and Local Surcharge Tax
Telephone Minimum Usage Surcharge Tax
Telephone Recurring and Non-recurring Charges Tax
Telephone State and Local Tax
Telephone Usage Charge Tax
Utility Tax
Vehicle License Registration Tax
Vehicle Sales Tax
Watercraft Registration Tax
Well Permit Tax
Workers Compensation Tax
(And to think, we left British Rule to avoid so many taxes)

 

STILL THINK THIS IS FUNNY?

 

Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago…
And our nation was the most prosperous in the world.

 

We had absolutely no national debt…
We had the largest middle class in the world…
And Mom stayed home to raise the kids.

 

What happened?
Can you spell

 

‘politicians’!

 

And I still have to
Press ‘1’
For English.

 

I hope this goes around   the     
U
     S      A     
At           least 100 times

 

What the heck has happened to our country?????

 

  congress-for-sale.jpg

 

 lobbying-nobody-tells-me-what-do.jpg

 

 

GTY_mary_landrieu_jef_140813_16x9_608.jpg
Enter a caption

Mary Landrieu Takes Heat for Spending Public Money on Private Flights – ABC News

 

 

 

 

Estate planning

Estate planning

Estate planning

 

 

Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business.  When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a wife with which to share his fortune.

 

One evening at an investment meeting he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away. “I may look like just  an ordinary man,” he said to her, “but in just a few years, my father will die, and I’ll inherit 20 million dollars.” Impressed, the woman obtained his business card and three days later, she became his stepmother.

 

Women are so much  better at estate planning than men.