The Temperance Movement: Texas Edition
The following is part of a chapter from my latest book, “Stupid Shit: A Survival Guide for a World Gone Mad.”© 2025 Follow me for updates regarding the publication of this book.
Why only part of a chapter, well…I need you, readers, to share this with people, especially in Texas. My logic is simple: corruption in government isn’t just a DC thing; it is rife when anyone is in power, as most people have a price tag. Yep, their vote can be bought, and that is why those who make a paltry 150k a year as a public servant manage to have millions of dollars in the bank. With that…Here is why Governor Abbot needs to veto Bill SB3 and why Texans need to really look at who they put into office.
Update: 6/14/25, I follow this, not because I use this product or because others I know do, but I follow this because I hate corruption. Here is a video that, if true, backs up my thoughts on the matter. https://www.youtube.com/shorts/gTxolr_sNLA When politicians have a price tag for their vote, they need to go. When I saw Dan being interviewed as to why he was so passionate about his stance on SB3 I could tell he was lying through his teeth. It’s a shame, I am disappointed that he could be purchased so easily. I hope I am wrong but the evidence is pretty clear that I am not.
Another update for you… https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/newsom-administration-moves-to-permanently-ban-hemp-thc-in-california/ar-AA1GGt7Q?ocid=socialshare
It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see that the marijuana industry is purchasing politicians. Using scare tactics like kids are getting ahold of this dangerous stuff is just fucking stupid shit. Kids have been smoking pot for years. Do they really expect anyone with two neurons firing to believe that a kid can go into a vape shop, gas station, or liquor store and buy THC products? Really?? Are you that dumb, or do you hope that the public is?
THC is cutting into their profit margins, period, full stop! Thats the reason and anything esle us bullshit!
Here’s the deal, and try to keep this in your brain for more than two seconds: If you, as someone who doesn’t regularly use this product (whatever the hell it is—fill in the blank with whatever your questionable curiosity has latched onto), decide to give it a go, would you rather take a small, sensible dose from a company that actually has something to lose if they screw it up? You know, like a lawsuit, or their entire business? Or—brace yourself—would you rather waltz up to a guy behind some sketchy counter named Skeeter? Yes, Skeeter. The same guy whose resume probably includes “part-time snake wrangler” and “full-time questionable life choices.” Go ahead, take Skeeter’s mystery potion. What could possibly go wrong? Spoiler: everything.
It’s like booze, really. Adults have this magical thing called freedom of choice. We can choose to try it, use it, or decide, “Nah, I’d rather not puke in a bush tonight.” But here’s where it gets stupid: the more you regulate it, the more you turn law-abiding taxpayers into criminals. Congratulations, you’ve just handed the cartels a big, wet, sloppy kiss and an even bigger chunk of control over Americans. It’s that simple. Like, kindergarten-level simple. This isn’t rocket science, folks—it’s common sense, something that, ironically, seems to be in shorter supply than Skeeter’s back-alley concoctions.
So, yeah, let’s think about that the next time we’re debating whether to trust a regulated industry or a guy with three teeth selling “premium” goods out of his trunk. Skeeter might be charming, but I’d rather not end up on an episode of Dateline.
SB3 feels eerily familiar. Remember Prohibition? That delightful experiment in the 1920s, where America decided to ban alcohol because it was ruining families, corrupting morals, and making people dance the Charleston? Yeah, that didn’t go well. Instead of turning everyone into sober saints, Prohibition gave us speakeasies, bootleggers, and Al Capone. Crime skyrocketed, people drank anyway, and the government eventually had to admit they’d completely fucked it up. Sound familiar? Because it should.
Let’s be honest: banning THC is just Prohibition 2.0. The second this law goes into effect, you know what’s going to happen? People are going to turn to the black market. They’ll buy unregulated THC products made by some guy named Skeeter in his garage. Kids who might’ve stolen a gummy from mom’s stash will now buy God-knows-what off the streets. And criminals? Oh, they’re going to make a killing. Congratulations, Texas. You’ve just created a THC mafia. Great job, everyone.
No report on stupidity would be complete without remembering the tens of thousands who have died from fentanyl laced street drugs.
Supporters vs. Opponents: A Comedy of Errors
The folks pushing for this ban claim it’s about protecting public health, especially minors. Because, you know, kids are apparently walking into gas stations and buying THC gummies like they’re Skittles. (Side note: Have these people ever been to a gas station? You can barely buy a pack of gum without showing ID.) They also argue that expanding medical cannabis is a better solution. Sure, because Texas is definitely known for its progressive stance on medical weed. Cough.
On the other side, you’ve got people pointing out the obvious: this ban is dumb as hell. It’s going to wreck the economy, strip people of personal freedoms, and create a thriving black market. Oh, and it’s not actually going to stop anyone from using THC. Because, fun fact, people don’t stop doing something just because it’s illegal. If they did, the War on Drugs wouldn’t have been the colossal failure that it is.
Dear Governor Abbott: Stop the Stupid Shit
Before Abbott signs this disaster into law, someone really needs to sit him down and explain a few things. First, this ban is going to turn everyday Texans into criminals. Second, the state’s going to lose billions in taxable income. Third, kids who might’ve swiped a gummy from their parents are now going to end up buying sketchy black-market products that could actually harm them. And finally, this whole thing is just plain stupid. Like, epically, historically stupid. The kind of stupid that’ll end up in history books next to Prohibition as a cautionary tale of governmental overreach.
So, Governor Abbott, if you’re reading this (and let’s be real, you’re probably not), please don’t sign this bill. Don’t be the guy who reenacts the Temperance Movement with weed. History won’t be kind, and neither will the memes.
Whoever had the genius idea to write and sponsor SB3—the THC ban bill—should be primaried so hard they forget what day it is. Seriously, anyone who tries to run for re-election after pulling this bullshit deserves to be sent home with a “kick me” sign taped to their back.
Now, you might ask, “How do you know SB3 was cooked up by lobbyists and handed to the public like it was the second coming of Christ?” Easy. They pulled out the emotional sales playbook, straight from the Sally Struthers School of Manipulation, and started waving the “save the children” flag like it was a clearance sale at Hobby Lobby.
Listen, if lawmakers are tugging at your heartstrings, it’s a pretty safe bet you’re about to get screwed—because if the bill actually made sense, they’d be using facts, not reruns of A Very Special Episode.
Let’s get real: I grew up in the ‘60s. If you thought it was just adults sneaking joints behind the gym, you’re high on something stronger than THC seltzer. Kids have been finding ways to get stoned for generations. This bill isn’t going to stop them; it’s just going to make things more annoying for everyone else.
Here’s my totally not-so-wild guess: the people bankrolling this nonsense are the same ones making bank off medical weed. The TCUP crowd is pissed because suddenly everyone can get a buzz from a can of seltzer that tastes like a chemistry experiment gone wrong, and—get this—you don’t need a doctor’s permission slip to buy it.
And how did Dan Patrick get all but one Republican to sign on? Oh, I don’t know, maybe he promised to fund their pet projects if they played along? That’s politics, baby! If you ever wonder why politicians do stupid shit, just remember: it’s always about money and power. Always.
Florida tried this same shit show, and Ron DeSantis came in swinging, vetoing that bill like he was auditioning for American Gladiators. My one hope is that Greg Abbott takes a page out of the DeSantis playbook and gives this crap the boot it deserves.
Nothing says “stupid shit” like politicians pretending to save the children while actually just saving their own cash flow. Let’s hope Abbott sees through the smoke and mirrors, because we’ve had enough of this legislative clown show.
Now is your chance to make your voice heard, forward, share, etc
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