Category: health

Communication 101, the Mirror and You

Text vs. phone vs. talking in person.

This is not a new subject but one that deserves attention.

Recently I was reading and posting on a social forum and recognized that people were not picking up on sarcasm or someone’s attempt at humor vs. someone being totally sincere in their opinion.

When one person does not pick up on some sort of queue and responds in kind the entire thread turns bitter and quite frankly is a perfect example of the human condition.

There are two issues at play here, one is that people miss a queue and assume the worst.

The other is that some out of “being anonymous” just show the worst side of themselves. This in turn begets more sarcasm, name calling and just downright ugliness.

Any post with a long thread; this type of thing will come up.

People either want to assume the worst or look for a reason to be pissed about something and then respond to it in like fashion. Political correctness is one such way that anyone can be offended at any time they want, then feel all righteous about it and rant.

I for one would like to see the anonymous post go away. I think you should have to let the world know who you are when you post so if you choose to be a jerk, at least the world knows that you have a proclivity towards such behavior and not put much weight on what you are saying or just not even read your post.

If you will notice that when you are waiting in line at a restaurant or ride at some amusement park or even the bank, most are polite and await there turn. They may even strike up a conversation with you about the weather or some such thing. I am one of those that will do that not only in line but on an elevator as well.

The interesting thing is that people hide behind their glasses; their blank stare and the very clothing that they wear; are much like some sort of shield against the world.

Online or in your car your shield expands and you can drive aggressively or rant your thoughts or opinion on a subject with little or no fore-thought. I see this all the time where people sound off on some subject with little or no facts, they just want to be heard! Some actually use words as a weapon to hurt people, just to do it.

You see it to when people cut you off on the freeway or other surface road just to get one car length ahead of you, maybe causing you to miss the light that they should have missed, but now you did.

When you talk on a social forum or blog or what have you, type as though you are having a conversation with the people in a room with you. When you expound upon your thoughts, do so in a manner that is respectful of all of those who might be reading it. Do not respond to idiots! If they choose to make an ass of themselves, ignore them. Ignored behavior goes away.

I would implore you to drive in a similar fashion. Any good manager knows to lead by example. Drive like you would like others to drive. If 90 seconds extra at a light is that big of a deal, leave the house 90 seconds earlier. Too many people cause accidents trying to beat a light, yellow means stop if you are not already in the intersection, and can stop without being in the middle of the intersection. (Always look in the rearview first however; as there are many that will run you over as red does not even mean stop to them.)

Emoticons are a great way to let the world key into your feelings on a subject. A smiley face will give the reader the idea that you are trying to be funny or what have you and it will elicit a different response from the reader that may have otherwise taken offence to your remark.

The emoticon replaces the one to one facial queues that one misses in face to face communication and it also replaces the laugh or humor in your voice.

Toxic people and boundaries.

Lastly, stop looking for a reason to be offended. Pollyanna had the correct idea. What you look for you will find. You will shorten your life and have a miserable life at that if you are constantly on the lookout for things to be pissed about. There are people out there that will piss you off simply for their own amusement. Don’t fall into that trap and avoid them.

I stay away from Toxic people and I don’t invest my time and energy on those that enjoy being a victim or offended or look for political incorrectness just so they can be offended.

They are only hurting themselves. If you climb onto their pity train then you too will become despondent over things that you really don’t have a dog in that fight.

There is this principle of boundaries. Where friends or associates are concerned we need to stay alert to the place that they are in and be prepared to push them away. You can pray for them, loan them a good self help book and even listen to them if you choose but, don’t own their shit. What they are going through is theirs! Councilors go through years of training to learn how not to own their clients shit! They themselves have to go through counseling to make sure that their head stays on straight. What are the odds that you can counsel people without the training and not start to own their shit!?

I liken boundaries to the orbits of the planets around the sun. For the sake of argument you are the sun. Mercury is you closest friend, Venus is next and then Earth, Mars you get the idea.

Mercury is your closest confidant which should be your spouse. Venus may be your longtime friend that you share things with.

Let’s say that Venus has something going on their life that affects you and they are unwilling to help themselves which in turn brings you down. Don’t push them out of the solar system but do push them out past Mars or even Jupiter for a while.

If you can help them without owning their shit than by all means help them, otherwise push them out until they get their act together. There is no shame in seeking counseling and in this complicated world we live in that might be a great profession to be in as this world is a messed up place.

I am not telling you to abandon your friend. I am telling you to advise them to get help and if they don’t or wont, than you need to keep them at a safe distance. No one is immune to this “shit owning” and there is no sense in making their issues yours.

Many people, who never look into the mirror, blame their lot on life on someone else or some circumstance. It is always easy to blame someone else. Next time you want to do that, go look into the mirror and blame that person. Odds are incredibly good that the person in the mirror is the one that did it. The person in the mirror needs to examine themselves and make some course correction as to not be the problem.

Use Emoticons
Don’t be part of the problem
Don’t look for things to be pissed off about
Text and drive (not at the same time) like the people around you are your neighbors
Look for the good in people and not the bad
Stay away from Toxic people
Look in the mirror and seek counseling for that person in the mirror if they need it.

Now go take on the day!

-Best to you and those that you care about!

The World Today

As a hiring manager for the best part of the 90’s and well into the 2000’s I could not help but notice a difference in the candidates that would walk through my door.

I would put on a suit and tie, make sure that my shoes were polished as well as the rest of the personal hygiene in check if I were interviewing. I was surprised by those who did not. If they did not respect me or the company enough to try and look respectable, what would they look like and or act like if I were to hire them. There is this whole etiquette thing involved in obtaining a job, and it starts with how you look. You only have one chance to make a first impression.

With Mom and Dad both having to work to make ends meet, generation “Y” was most likely raised by “Big Bird,” or an older brother or sister, or possibly some retired family member. The TV with hundreds of channels made a great baby sitter; and then there was the “game boy.” This generation is addicted to “screens.” While I appreciate “screens” as well, I also enjoy a good book, a walk in the park, watching the ocean, talking with friends and family on the front porch and going to a baseball game. There is nothing wrong with FaceBook or World of Warcraft, it is simply a matter of balance and not a way of life, or substitute thereof.

While negative attention is better than no attention, I suspect that many who pushed the envelope did so for attention. “Look Ma, I am doing drugs! Don’t you care enough to even slow down to talk to me?” From drugs they may turn to self-injury, or getting some sort of tattoo, or some of this wonderful body jewelry “through their nose.”

They in fact must have never heard the words “self effacement.” “I suspect that Hubris has taken the place Humility.”

We have shows on TV glorifying “INK.” We have celebrities who have more ink than skin. Our kid’s role models are broken people. When your kids look up to “broken people” where do you think that will lead them? Your kids should be looking up to you, not Madonna!

It is my opinion that many are drawn to “ink” and alike purely for the sake of attention. If they cannot get the good attention they need at home; mutilating ones body will certainly draw a crowd at school, the mall, and of course with siblings. And it most certainly will draw that negative attention from your guardians or other authoritarian figures…

There is another school of thought; these folks are insecure and again “ink,” mutilate, or act out audaciously, in an effort to get people to leave them alone as “they are bad.”

I also think that there is a subset that does it, purely to spite their family or friends and peers either at work or school or what have you. These are the folks that are so insecure that they are giving their-selves a rhinectomy. “I will show you, I will cut off my nose!” In the end they are only really hurting themselves currently and in the future as well as some of these things are really quite permanent!

Once these folks are disfigured, they drastically limit their options for employment and possibly a choice in friends and or spouse. If you present yourself for employment with visible body jewelry that is “out of the norm” there is a high probability that your “resume” will be trashed the second you hit the door.

I would guess that the same could be said for over the top tattoos. My thinking and I am certain most hiring managers thinking would be, if they make these types of decisions for themselves, what kinds of decisions are they going to make for me?

Unless your aspirations for employment are to work your way up to busboy, or maybe become a tattoo artist, I would strongly suggest keeping the ink under cover; at least from 8 to 5.

There is a group which I have not mentioned that may very well be so artistic that they want this “Art” on them to wear into perpetuity. The problem with that my pet, is simply this; as we age we loose collagen. Our young looking skin gets wrinkled and becomes thinner and pretty soon the artwork looks like a used painter’s pallet, instead of the masterpiece that you paid for. Think about it this way, do you own an outfit that you would wear everyday, day in day out for the rest of your life? I know of no clothing that I would want to wear everyday, and night; forever!

If you make bad decisions with permanent outcomes in your youth; those will have an effect on you as you mature. Some if these decisions lead to depression, and eventual suicide as they cannot live with what they have done, and the guilt overcomes them. Addictions often end in self destruction as they practice the addiction and then deal with the guilt for what they have done. To get rid of the guilt they do more of the addiction and spiral downward; until they either become outcast and wake up in the gutter or decide to end it all. Very few “see the light” and decide to choose not to do what they have been doing. Society tends to let these folks slip away which is probably normal programming.

If one were to follow the lives of the “rich and famous” they would quickly discern that with their lifestyle comes a price. When these people admit that they have been strung out on recreational chemistry, why are they not investigated criminally? Dealers are so bold that they don’t even try to keep their deals under cover. I was at the gas station the other day. In the next lane there were two people in a car, motor running taking up one of the spots to purchase gas. Before I finished a women pulled up behind them, got out and fussed at them for making here come “all the way over here.” They transacted their business and then both were soon gone their separate ways. I would imagine that the rich and famous get delivery, much like the Pizza guy delivers food and they don’t have to go to the gas station.

This culture is invasive to our way of life. Along with all of the other trappings that seem to come with this entitled generation, recreational chemistry seems to be one of the trimmings that not only effect the rich and famous, but the not so rich and famous.

All addictions are chemical. What many fail to realize is that all addictions are chemical in nature. When we smoke or drink, chemicals are released in the brain which we find appealing. Recreational chemistry is not only externally chemically induced but also causes a release of chemistry in the brain so in fact, one might get a double dose of “feel good” chemistry. I suspect that is why Cocaine is so addictive. Pornography can be a chemical addiction just like chocolate or food. If whatever you enjoy releases these chemicals, you can become addicted to it, and not know why or even know that you are. One of the most common addictions is adrenalin. We have rides at amusement parks which cause the release of this chemical as well as speeding or racing a friend, to even fighting in school. If we were to really study the kleptomaniac, we might learn that is a chemical addiction as well and we might treat the condition differently than simply locking them up. Other criminal endeavors like car jacking or what have you, may not only serve the purpose of obtaining money; but the perpetrator might very well enjoy the high from the release of adrenalin. I suspect that many of the “crimes” that people do today like flashing, or being a peeping tom, or simply being an exhibitionist, might very well be because of the release of some hormone or endorphin.

My guess would be that the BDSM community would also fall into this category.

Criminals are not the only people to enjoy this “high,” as I suspect firefighters, policemen, fighter pilots or even bull fighters might very well do this, because they are adrenalin junkies, and may not even know it. If you have ever listened to the police scanner when there is a chase going on or perhaps the firefighters when they are fighting a fire, you can hear it in their voice.

If I were to guess why middle school is so tough, it would be that this is typically when (puberty) hormones are released in abundance and young people experience this and really don’t know what to do with it. Male dominance may break out (and be manifested as fights) as young men try to establish their place as the “alpha” male. Young ladies also have their chemistry issues and those manifest mostly as sniping, spreading rumors and trying to become the “queen B.” We are not so different from the animal kingdom and those that think that we are simply are fooling themselves, as they don’t like the idea of being related to “animals.”

Pain can be an addiction. Endorphins are released with pain so cutting, burning or other forms of self-injury could not only be a cry for attention, but also feeding an addiction.

Extreme forms of chemical release are also practiced by some but, usually not for long as it kills them. One form is autoerotic asphyxiation. David Carradine was most certainly the victim of such an act. I say victim because he was under the delusion that he could do this safely. There is no safe way to strangle one-self. I cannot imagine what drove him to do this but I suspect like all drugs, it takes more and more to achieve the same “high.”

There is a saying among the pilot community that states, “There are old pilots and bold pilots, however; there are no old bold pilots.” I suspect the same could be said with some exceptions for the “addicted among us.” When a pilot gets into trouble such as flying into a cloud bank without the proper training, he is taught to get on the radio and confess what has happened, so air traffic control can assist him back to clear air. Without proper training there is this condition called spatial disorientation. Basically your eyes and senses do not believe the instruments, and more often than not the pilot will fly the plane right into the ground or “auger in.” If you are reading this, and you happen to be addicted, get help before you too, auger in. There are few people, if anyone that can handle an addiction without eventual self destruction. We witness this daily with our celebrities as well as their deaths from overdoses etc. There is no “winning” with addictions.

The other issue with Generation Y that puzzled me is “sagging,” tell me what the hell satisfaction one gets by wearing their jeans down to their crotch, walking around with one hand holding them up so they don’t fall down the rest of the way? We all know where the trend started and somehow adopted and glorified by the hip-hop crowd but really, you think that we want to see your underwear? I watched a young man run across the street to catch his bus. He tripped over his pants that were falling down the rest of the way and did a face plant in the middle of the road in front of the bus that he was running to catch. Either this kid was trying to prove that Darwin was correct or he was trying to prove how stupid it actually is to do that. Does this trend bespeak of letting your peers know how cool you are or the rest of the world know how stupid you are? Had the bus driver had a little slower reaction time, those sagging pants would have cost that person their life. He quite literally would have been thrown-under-the-bus.

Like “ink” I think that “sagging” is just one more way of young people expressing their objection or rebellion to the main-stream mores of the day. Instead of getting an education and working to change the system to make it better, it is much easier and simpler to call people’s attention to you underwear. The trouble here is that most people will not see past how lame you look, and that will be as far as it will go. And ladies, we really don’t want to see your “wale tail” either.. Underwear is just that, clothing that stays under other clothing. It can be audacious as you like, but keep it your secret, “really…”

Our youth is mesmerized by shows like American Idol. Millions of people watch that show. How many do you think imagine them-selves doing it, winning the top spot? We have become so egocentric as a people, that narcissism seems to be a way of life. “I made it through school, now where is my corner office and how much are you going to give me to sit here and look pretty?” Not really exaggerating too much here.

You can decide to be one of the leaders of tomorrow, or live in the shadows of society; it really is your choice. Many will blame their circumstances on where they are in life, but if they were truthful with themselves, they would know and admit that their lot in life in most cases is their own doing.

There are too many rags to riches stories all through history. Look up how they did it and see if you cannot apply some of their techniques. Or, you can learn how to stay warm by using discarded newspapers as insulation; it really is up to you. If you are reading this; you have at your fingertips all of the information that you could ever need to do anything that you want to do. Any subject that has ever been invented is here. Knowledge is power, and while that cliche may seem tired, trust me it is more salient today than ever before.

Figure out where your talents lie, or what you are passionate about and than search through history and see how others that did what you want to do, managed to do it.

I would not have “win the lottery” as my retirement plan, I also would not put all of my eggs in the rock star basket, or country star, or movie star. The odds are very much against you.

Before you spend your hard earned money on ink, or permanent jewelry, you may want to think about the future just a little bit. The hiring manager will most probably not be sympathetic to facial jewelry or ink. There are millions of folks looking for employment. If you and another are equally qualified but the other person has adorned him or herself with accouterments, most likely you will get the job. Is that fare? Nope, life is not fare, get used to it and live with it. The system is what it is, either work to modify it by legal and moral means, or adjust your way of life into the system. Rebelling against it by wearing your pants around your ankles, or getting every inch of skin inked or pierced is your problem; and society will pass you by.

-Best to you and those that you care about.

Time

Some measure time by the ticking of a clock, others by the days of the week and still others by the years that pass.

One of my favorite songs has a line in it about “being in the autumn of my life.” That sounds almost forlorn in retrospect.

The truth (you know how I like truth) of the matter is that most of us measure time by the weekends. We relish the hour when Friday afternoon rolls around and we can take some “time” to go out, sleep in, golf or what have you.

I used to watch people walking into the office on Monday morning and then watch them leave as the evening skies turn a pale shade of azure with crimson overtones flashing across the skies, dancing across the few clouds that sailed by.

In the morning people are full of life. There is just about a glow to most of them. Around twilight, the glow has turned to hollow, shadowed facial structures. The enthusiasm that they greeted the day with has long since departed, leaving them bereft of cheerfulness. They are in fact vapid, of that essence of “life!”

Looking upwards towards the kaleidoscope display of nature’s own brand of art, is not even a passing thought. We have lost our way in the maze of time clocks, political correctness, rules and social mores. We have forgotten how to be “us.”

Making our way with the throngs of other drones either by bus train or car we head to that last bastion of relief, our homes. Summoning the last bit of energy in reserve, they “we” plod through our charted course until we finally can collapse into our beds, maybe even inviting death’s “sting” as we contemplate the day today, and start thinking about tomorrow. Would that “sting” really be so bad?

The weekends are fraught with their own unique brand of dull drum, as we now must take care of the things that did not get taken care of during the week. This thing called life happens on those days of the week that end in “Y,” and many of us may wonder “why” we chose the path that we did.

Time can be measured in heart beats. I truly believe that time is relative in that manner as the creatures with the fastest heart beat seem to live the shortest amounts of time, conversely those with the slowest, seem to live much longer.

We sell our selves every day, one heart beat at a time. Every heart beat that you spend, is one less heart beat that you have left. Since we do seem to measure time with our hearts may I humbly suggest that you fill your life with love and laughter? Life is too short to be angry.

I overheard a man today complaining about his employer at great lengths, regarding their intelligence, their breeding and so forth; and I could not help but notice that he was working for them. His brand of “living” was to sew seeds of his discontent to fellow workers and stew in his lot in life. We could talk about negative and positive energy but that is a topic for another day. Do you know that when you are upset or angry, cortisol is released; the stress hormone. Does it really pay to be “angry,” Only if you want to shorten your life, and the lives of those people around you!

Time is what we make of it, and we are all the stewards of that time. Tomorrow will take care of itself, live for right now, in the moment. Enjoy what you do even at your work for there are no do-over’s, this is it!

You can do that with what I call PMA, the diametric opposite of PMS, to borrow that awkward condition in some women’s lives, as an example.

Positive Mental Attitude

It takes practice but after 45 days of doing it, you will be a different person. I have been practicing it for years and I do not look like those that I described earlier. As the matter of fact I appear quite young for my age. I guess I will have to write about that one day soon. In short, don’t get caught in others negative attitudes and don’t ever project one. Life is too short to hate, to be angry, to live in a constant state of turmoil.

Allow me to share one brief story of how I discovered PMA.

I had a job that involved going out to customers’ locations, carrying a 40 pound box of tools, parts and so forth to repair what needed to be repaired. While I really liked what I did, and I enjoyed dealing with people, I really loathed the fact that parking was a hassle; it was in the south so high humidity and pop-up rain showers were normal on top of being in a large city.

One day I parked blocks from where I needed to go, as it was raining so all of the “close up” parking was taken. The rain in this case was caused by a tropical storm sitting on top of the city, in short rain was moving horizontally as well as vertically. Wearing dress clothes(very wet ones), carrying that tool bag, slogging through running water, I finally made it into the building. Another older gentleman was behind me, so I held the door for him. As we climbed into the elevator I began grumbling about the weather, the day etc. As I was trying to engage this man in conversation as “I do that” his demeanor was very much different from mine. He seemed content if not jovial. He took off his hat and allowed the water to run onto the floor and patiently listened to me while I droned on about the rain.

Before he left he passed this on to me and I have never forgotten it. “Son, anytime you wake up sucking air, it is a good day!” We were at a hospital for cancer treatment, and I can only assume that he was a patient. I had discovered PMA!

Those words rattled around my head for that day, the next and so on. Every time I am having a tough time, those words re-play themselves they in fact, resonate with my soul; I usually strike a grin and silently thank that man for sharing that one bit of advice. Rarely do I have “bad days” any longer. It put things into perspective for me and it is my prayer that this may help someone else who is having a “bad day.”

Take a moment to smell the roses, watch the clouds, and my personal favorite is to watch the ocean. I can sit there for hours just watching the waves and listening to the seagulls and other birds going about their day. That is time well spent..

-Best to you and those that you care about!

Design, Nature or Luck?

Today I want to visit with you regarding a subject that will not interest about 80% of you. So for you 20% who find interests in subjects that are not widely talked about or even known about, let’s go!

The Pinworm is fascinating. There are three known species of these creatures scientist proclaim. There are two that we can talk about as we have evidence of their existence and how they live.

One breed lives inside the chimpanzee and one breed lives inside us… It should be no secret that the human host parasites but, the pinworm is a creature that with some effort can be removed from you and your family’s bodies, if you happen to have them.

The pinworm infects the host either by inhaling the eggs, or by ingesting them.

This is probably the best argument for keeping pets out of your bed as the pinworm eggs can live on an animal’s hair, migrate into your bed sheets or other linen, and make their way into your system.

From the womb to adulthood most people sleep with a hand near their face. I would argue that this is a leftover behavior from sucking the thumb from inside the womb but, I digress. The simple fact is that we do.

The pinworm is ingested either by being airborne from possibly making the bed, or your child’s bed, or by petting your pet causing the eggs to become airborne. They are also ingested by placing your unwashed hand either in, or by your nose or mouth.

Once ingested, the worm (egg) stays in your duodenum (opening to the small intestine), until hatched. From there, it makes it way through the small intestine and takes up residence in the ileum. It is in this area that the pinworms set up house. They live by extracting nutrition from colonic contents. They mate here and shortly after mating the male worms die, and are expelled with the fecal material.

The female worm or (gravid), becomes almost completely filled with eggs. When the time is right the worm makes her way to the anus and actually comes out to

A: get air for her eggs

B: lay her eggs in the folds of the tissue of the anus.

By her wriggling around during this process this action can cause an itching sensation to occur. Part of the reason that this condition affects children, more than adults is children will scratch what itches, and will not in most cases wash their hands afterwards. The eggs get trapped under the fingernails and are now ready to be disseminated either from what the child touches, toys, each other etc, but also to re-infect the host by the child eating something that he or she touches or by simply putting that thumb into their mouths.

Adults are not immune as we also have pets that may get into our bed and we also hug and cuddle the little host known, as children. How many times have you seen an adult or, possibly you have done this; allow the child to put their hand into your mouth.

Once inside the mouth, the process starts all over again or in the case of the adult begins.

Never fear, once detected there is a cure that usually involves the entire family and the frequent washing of pajamas and bed linen until the all clear sign is given by your health care provider. It is also a good idea to wash the Childs toys with some sort of disinfectant, especially if your child is in a day care facility.

On a side note, it would be interesting to know if there are protocols in place to keep this sort of germ / parasite transmission down in daycare facilities.

Why does this interest me you ask? My interest in this is the process that the animal lives and propagates. We see many symbiotic relationships not only in the animal kingdom, but with plants and insects, plants and animals and so on. Here is one more “relationship” where this animal depends on us, and our nature.

The mechanism for which this animal survives, by causing the itch around the tissue of the anus for the host to “scratch” that itch and the eggs are then either transported to other opportunities, or to re-infect the host. (Scratch what itches, and put our hands near our face or into our mouths.)

One other way that we stay infected (argue some scientist) is that the new born pinworm makes its way back through the anus and “goes against the current” so to speak, making its way to the ileum to become part of the process of reproducing. This process is highly debated and if indeed it can occur in this manner than the rate of reoccurrence by this method is low.

You ask, “How do you know if you or your child is infected.” Before the child’s morning bath, take some cellophane, “transparent” tape and apply it to the area of the anus. Remove the tape and seal it into a plastic bag and take it to your health care provider. He or she can examine it under a microscope and not only give you a positive or negative result but, if positive can identify your particular critter. There are drugs to kill them.

Are they harmful? The most common side effect is enterobiasis or (anal itching).

My apologies if I have “creeped you out.” So go wash your hands and insist that your family does the same.

Fun fact: did you know that “creeped” has recently crept into our language? Although spell check does not like it; the word is viable and in fact means: off-putting, or to weird out or possibly even frightening.

-Best to you and those that you care about.