Pornography, Sex and You

• What does it say about “us” as a people who gaze upon, look at, or otherwise idolize pornography?
• What exactly is pornography?
• Kiddy porn?
• Words

Tackling the first question first, it makes us human.  We must first understand that we are what we are and, that is race of beings that are programmed to procreate.  From pre-biblical times to today we are no better than rabbits; sex is first and foremost on our minds.  The difference between us and rabbits, we attach mores to sex and we have the tools to keep from actually procreating. Whether it is prophylactics of different kinds, or even abortion after the fact, a large percentage of us are fulfilling our “instincts” without actually making babies.

Another part of our race is just “doing what comes naturally,” and then evading the responsibility of what comes afterwards by, leaving the person who “got pregnant;” or by letting the state pick up the tab for medical expenses, and the subsequent care and feeding of same, after the fact.

We try and educate our progeny at the tender age of pre-pubescence, only to surrender to the fact that they will find a way, so we offer them free prophylactics.  We alter the law in such a way that a minor can get an abortion or birth control without the parents consent.  In fact, we respond to an amoral situation with an equally amoral response, by offering abortions and dehumanizing the baby by calling it something other than what it is, a baby.

We do the same in death as well, once you die you are no longer Sally or Joe, you are a body.  The body was found at…. The remains were located at….

Reading social media the idea struck me that we think of anything that titillates as porn.   We have “Food Porn, Library Porn, and in fact anything that is over the top, we could add the word or suffix “porn” to it. I think it safe to say that we could call anything that overly gets our juices going “porn.”

There is a huge dichotomy that exists today between the evangelicals and other religious sects, “that are above this type of thing” and “people.”  In fact, if you are ever hauled to court for having something deemed illegal by your peers, whether it be porn or pot, you may very well be judged by some of the largest hypocrites on the planet.

Outwardly, they will condemn you, point their fingers at you and judge you to be subhuman.  Then they will return to their home with their collection of things or pot or other drug of choice that if the world knew about, would judge them as “unclean.”  Jesus said if you hate your brother; you have committed murder.  If you have ever been titillated by such a thought, or picture, you are no better than the guy or gal that got caught!

Child pornography is probably one of the most insidious types of pornography out there.  The very thought of it makes me physically ill.  As a thinking person, I was curious why and or how it had that effect on me.

As a parent, we guard our offspring and indeed see all offspring in a way that makes our parental instinct come in to play.  Then there are the predators out there that don’t see the boundary issues involved, and indeed see children as a sexual target. There are indeed sociopaths that don’t have any empathy for others and “do what feels good, when it feels good.”

History is rife with these types of people.  Read about the rape of Nanking.  

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nanking_Massacre

Most “decent” people understand this and I think each case that comes to court needs to be handled in such a way as to understand the person who committed the crime.  Did the person download the stuff off of the internet, or did he or she take part in the creation of and dissemination of the material.  Were there pecuniary motives involved? Just how amoral is this person? Are they mentally unbalanced? Can they be rehabilitated?

Having worked on thousands of computers in my career, I have seen my fair share of pornography.  I am not prudish but, I have no problem deleting that which might be illegal to own.  Had there been evidence to my satisfaction that this person was involved in the creation of such, a different call would have been made.

There are in fact huge stores of such material on the internet, gigabytes of downloadable data. With the extreme bandwidth we have today there is simply no way that one person could evaluate each and every photo to make certain that it is “legal.”  One such person downloaded such things like one might collect baseball cards.  As it was loaded with viruses, deleting it saved me and them the time to sift through it.  I am not the world’s policeman and have no interest in saving you from yourself.  Writing about it, making you aware is as far as I go.

There is a huge difference between porn and nudity and that dichotomy exists in all age groups.  Artist through history have danced on that line, and it is no different today.

One artist friend painted a child in a pond and the child’s bare bum was slightly exposed to the viewer.  The creation of the child was from her mind, not from an actual person.  As a “humanist,” I stood close enough to that painting in the gallery to eaves drop on what people were saying.  A large percentage saw what I saw, an innocent child playing in the water; a few saw child pornography.

We have come to be so overly sensitized, that we think that is child pornography!

The painting depicted an innocence of spirit.  A time and place free of sin to be as God created us in a perfect environment.  That is what it felt like to me and I very much liked the painting. It reminded me of the Coppertone commercial of the 60’s where the dog is pulling down the bathing suite of a small child exposing the tan difference.  To me it “exposes” innocence, a time that most of us wish we could go back to.  To a few it is pornographic.  To the few who think that is pornographic, I would encourage self examination.

So, in that light allow me to elucidate on what pornography is.  As an artist myself, and a writer, I have given this much thought.

If I paint someone in a sexual act, that is pornography.  If I give the illusion of some sexual activity either pre or post sex, it could pornography or it could be art.  Now let me draw your attention to the fact that “pre” is not a nude in the bath tub or shower, unless of course there was a guy in close proximity with an erection.  One could even make the argument that could be art.

As an artist, we try to paint a picture that will evoke some emotion.  That is why I constantly implore my readers to examine, why they (like or hate) something, rather than simply experience the emotion and go on.  When you understand “why,” you will come to know the person in the mirror much better; and that is enlightenment.

A good photo journalist will take pictures that tell a story.  I was at a cemetery on Memorial Day. Off in the distance there was an attractive young lady sitting on the ground with some picnic stuff, at the foot of a grave.  There she was, all by herself, sitting as close as she could to her dead loved one.  I snapped the picture from an extreme distance and for a moment, felt her emotions as the waves of loss and grief washed over my soul.  Tears filled my eyes as I allowed my self to experience her loss as it brought back memories of my loved ones that are no longer here.   Even at that distance, I could see her cheeks were wet with tears.

While I fully intend on painting that one day as I would like others to appreciate what I saw; that is what makes art, art. That also makes a “good” picture.

If I paint a nude lady walking into a body of water by herself, I have created art that depicts innocence, a purity of person and heart.  You can see yourself, walking into that water, feeling the warm sun on your upper torso and the cool water swirling around your legs as the water makes its way ever higher as you traverse further into the water. You can just about envision the warm wet sand between your toes as you yourself walk deeper and deeper into the warm blue water.  There on the bank, under a morning sun is your blanket, clothing and towels, along with some drink and food for after your swim.  There is no one around but you, some birds, and the sound of the water as it bathes the shores in the light summer breeze. After your swim, you can lay on the blanket basking in the warmth of the sun as the breeze dries you.

If you were looking at that painting you would see art.  You might picture yourself there for just a moment, or longer…. before the reality that you are in a cold sterile museum, snaps you back to reality.

Now, let’s add one thing to that painting.  Let’s add to the blanket a partially exposed dildo.  By the inclusion of a sexual toy, I have created pornography, both in painting and guess what… with words.

Pornography is not subjugated to the visual media alone.  I am often amused by women who look down upon men who look at pornography.  They call them pigs and all sorts of demeaning names and then go back to their romance novel!  Folks, I can paint with words as easily as I can with oils.  Pornography is pornography, whether you gaze upon it, or you read about it while creating the images in your mind, it is still pornography.

50 shades of grey is pornographic, titillating and could be used as a springboard to conversations with your partner about sex. You can also use it to sit on your soapbox and much like the ladies of the twenties railed against alcohol, you can rail against porn.   Don Quixote had windmills and you, maybe blowup love dolls!

My point to this is not to chastise, my point it to make you aware of the hypocrisy and to learn that we are all the same and well some of us “pretend” that we are better then the rest, even you judges out there, you are kidding yourself.

There are two kinds of people, those who masturbate, and those who lie about it. 

A perfect wife was once described as someone who is a whore in the bedroom, and an angle in the kitchen!  That really speaks to our “human nature” doesn’t it?  Sometimes one thinks about their wife in those regards and then as a parent.  The truth is, that all of those parts are juxtaposed together to make us.  The mouth you kiss in your bed is the same mouth that kisses your baby goodnight!

When we are in the world, doing our thing, our “angel” side is showing, most of the time. What happens to those who suppress their “other side?”

We read about it all too often where some young boy was assaulted by a bishop, or some other “person of the cloth.”  We read about teachers who have sex with underage children.  We read about rapist and other sexual predators.  We even hear about peeping toms.  What about the employee that goes postal?

I am actually for legalizing prostitution.  People who don’t have someone should be able to buy someone, or rent them for a while and it is the oldest profession. Like the Bunny Ranch, I am for that kind of place in all major cities.

The key is to first “know yourself.”  This blog is all about enlightenment.  Enlightenment is knowing “who you are!” You can hardly understand your neighbor or wife or husband, if you don’t know who you are!

How many men do you know of that have left their wife of a number of years, for another guy?! How the hell did that happen?

When we repress parts of ourselves, other parts come out in different ways.  I am not speaking about mental illness here, I am speaking about the actions of normal healthy people who artificially suppress their emotions or feelings or strong convictions to appear as something that they are not.  I see this most in folks who are Church going, every Sunday, every Wednesday night, people who are holier that thou! They are taught to hate the sin, not the sinner.

Without clearly understanding “sin” they develop their own idea of what sin is, and then mentally flagellate them-selves.  I have often wondered what affect this has on their mental status. Those who practice Calvinism often deal with Depression. How shocking is that?  Here is a guy from the 16th century who basically think we are all dirt bags and that is the best we can ever be. We do it to ourselves and then spend tens of thousands of dollars on therapy and drugs to make it another day.

Then one day we read about them or get a letter in the post, telling us that they are no longer with the church as they left their family etc etc…

Do you know the difference between reality and fantasy?  Most do, but sadly some try to make it come to fruition.  Solomon comes to mind.  This is a man that the bible tells us had everything.  He had hundreds of wives and hundreds of concubines.  He had riches beyond our wildest dreams and yet, he was unhappy.  He tried to live his fantasy.

Divorce in this group of people is just as high as people who never set foot in church. Allow me to tell you why I think it is a good idea to attend church.  I do not think that anything magical happens when you go to church.  I do not think that drinking grape juice and eating crackers makes you any better than your brother.

I do think that thinking about “sin” makes you more self-aware of your “sins if you will” and thus makes you more aware of who you are.  It is only after you know “who you are” can you make any sort of substantive change. 

None of us are perfect and being around others who struggle with “sin” is actually one way to become more self-aware. 

Here is the $64 question, when is pornography sin, or is it at all? 

One should define sin to really have a clear understanding of what it is.  Sin comes from an ancient sport dating back at least 5000 years.  The ancient Egyptians developed Archery and sin was “missing the mark.”  In Abrahamic terms, it is violating Gods will.

Call it what you will, there is a moral code of conduct that each civilization adopts from its laws and mores. Utilizing a Venn-diagram, where do you fit in?

While this is not about mental illness, I am convinced that it could lead to it.  Without a check every now and then to make sure you are still in the middle of the road, “normal” your thoughts and feelings and actions could actually be outside of the Venn-diagram of what is considered “normal.”

The curmudgeon comes to mind, or possibly the “crazy cat lady.”   Those that live by themselves, who only have to consider “themselves,” can quickly drift outside of what we in polite society would call “normal.”   We hear about it all too often where someone was found dead in their home filled with too much stuff. They replaced “stuff,” for interaction with people.  The more they did it, the more they became a recluse taking solace in collecting anything from newspapers to cats!

More attention needs to be paid to mental health in society.  These folks who mass murder should have been treated before it came to this.  Who knew?  You should have known; if you knew them at all you should have known! We poke and chat away on social media but when is the last time you sipped tea on the front porch with your neighbor?

How many times a year do you hear about a murder suicide and the interviews of the neighbors describe the perp as a nice “stay to him or herself” kind of person?

If we spent less time on the computer, or in front of the TV, we might have spoken with that person and have known that they lost their job, their wife or husband was having an affair etc etc.  Are we not supposed to love our neighbor?  How can you do that if you don’t ever see them?

Again, an extended family through your local church is not a bad thing.  I don’t think a mega church is a good place for this.  The Mega church to me seems too much about money.  Smaller 100 family type churches are more intement. You can actually form bonds within the church that can last a lifetime.

There is this lady that lives in the Tundra of Alaska, by herself most of the time.  She has been on some TV shows here and there.  I would love to speak with her at length about how she got there, what she does and who she is.  From her appearances on these shows, she still seems sane, but at what moment will she go “Jack Nicholson?” We are social creatures, designed to be around other people.

Some people replace normal sexual relations with pornography. Why, it is safe.  There was a running joke when I was young about a cucumber; that it would still respect you in the morning.  George Carlin had a routine about “dinner and flowers for one; don’t ever let your other hand know….”  George was a genius, and probably not very well appreciated.  Pornography can, and in most cases will ruin a marriage.  As we age, we no longer look like the folks in the pictures.  As we progress in life, we loose that romance and become “used to one another,” allowing our “all” to be exposed.

Not only do we not look like anyone in those pictures that litter cyber space but, we don’t act like the guy on the white horse! We become too obsessed with self, to put our partners needs ahead of our own.  We are wrapped up with work or kids or “life” to take time out to live life.

We let our all hang out and by that I mean fart, belch, leave the bathroom door open when going to the bathroom etc etc.  Some things should not be “let out.”  To me anyway I feel like keeping a certain modicum of “dating etiquette,” even after many years of marriage is one small part of success.   Chivalry should not now or ever be dead.  If your wife wants to open her own door, get her to open yours.  Someone needs to show some chivalry. 

Pornography, like romance novels, “in my opinion,” becomes sin when they cause you to stray from your partner.  It is too easy for us to become slaves to such things, to idolize such things. 

“That which you gaze upon you become.”

There is a genuine danger by putting it out there with another person.  Perhaps your idea of sex is not what some would consider normal.  I don’t know what that might be but let’s draw on a reference from an episode of House; as an example.  House, in case you are not familiar, was a program on TV that featured Hugh Laurie as a brilliant although weird and wonderful doctor.

In the episode I am speaking of, the opening scene is of a rather brutal sexual encounter that looks as though it could be a rape in progress until we later learn that they were roll playing and were turned on by rough sexual play. She was also killing him with some sort of chemical as I remember but, that is a different part of the story that takes us away from the point at hand.

Now for argument sake, let’s say that you think that role playing might be a huge turn-on, and you talk with your partner about it and he or she rejects you, and now thinks you are completely insane!

Ok, forget role playing, how about a scene from 50 shades?

Communication with your spouse or loved one is “key” to a happy marriage.  Build upon what drew you to them in the first place.  Don’t go for the big changes all at once, start small and build upon it.  If the other person is getting something out of it, you can lead the way.  Have a goal and make small adjustments to meet that goal.

Dating web sites are well past my experience level at this stage of the game but, I suspect that this might be a “value add” if they address such things as sexual turn-on’s. 

Fantasy is what sells romance novels, and why pornography is so prolific! Fantasy is a large part of who we are as a people and if you don’t embrace it and deal with it, well you may need some therapy later in life to deal with your large collection of bottle caps, race cars, baseball cards or newspapers!  You are in fact replacing something that you are missing with things that are safe! Well most of these are fairly innocuous, some however; replace what they are missing with actions like rape, bestiality, necrophilia and yes homicide. 

Some take it to other extremes in the form of religions or other cult like activities or become totally off the track with things like the WACO cult, or the purple Kool-Aid folks.

We are sexual creatures and that part of us makes us whole.  When you remove it, or attempt to remove it by becoming celibate for religious reasons or societal reasons behaviors and other actions also change.  Case in point… If you have ever worked in an office full of women you no doubt have heard one frustrated employee speaking to another about a co-worker or boss using the phrase, “she just needs to get laid!”

They are most likely spot on!  It happens with all of us and without sex we don’t deal with life stresses very well, and our social behavior becomes modified.  It can take the form of aggression or… it can take the form of being overly flirtatious.

There are chemicals released right after sex called Prolactin.  This hormone disengages a man’s sex drive almost immediately after orgasm. The naked women with you after sex is simply your mate or spouse or what have you as this chemical tells the rest of the brain and body to think about other things, sex is off the table for a while.

Endorphins are also released that calm you down, give you a feeling of euphoria and can make you sleepy.  That is why right after sex, most men crash and burn.

There is another hormone known as the cuddling hormone.  Oxytocin which makes you that big teddy bear that will do what it takes to get her into the sac. This hormone is also responsible for stimulating the prostate gland and making things more sensitive.

These same chemicals are released in the female thus relieving the “sexual tension” that many, if not most of us experience from time to time.

Aggressive workouts also release some of these same chemicals and that is a key component to health and longevity.  That is also why certain people take exercising to an extreme.   This is a good reason that people in middle school should really double up on exercise.  They are being flooded with new hormones as puberty kicks in and they often manifest themselves in aggression among other behaviors.  You don’t need a $150 an hour shrink for your middle school child if he or she is acting out. Get them into tennis or running or kickboxing, or cheer leading and make sure that they have what they need, time and privacy to take matters into hand.  Dealing with hormones is a daily chore for most of us.  As kids begin to deal with them, know what is happening and give them space.  If that does not work, get the child whisperer on your team. (a shrink)

For those that rail against pornography as it demeans women and makes them somehow less than human, objectifies them etc, I would point out that these women who posed for those photographs, for the most part, knew what they were doing.

I was on the Internet before it was the internet.  Porn was one of the first things that people put on it, just like porn was one of the first pictures ever taken with a camera and a movie camera.  We are obsessed with it and we as a people should stop burying it under a rug and deal with it!  Does porn fit into polite society, no; but show me a polite society.

Early painters painted cherubs, which were nude children depicted as angels and there have been many many artist using nude children in paintings and pictures in a non-sexual way.  Like most things “context is king.”

If someone draws or paints children in sexual situations, do we call it child-porn and does it fall under the same laws as actual pictures of the same?  Yes and No, but it is non-the-less in many cultures acceptable to some group of people.  I would proffer that those groups are one step away from allowing actual children to be harmed in order, to fulfill their fantasy.

There is a Japanese maker of technical equipment that I use in my lab from a company called Tenma.  If you Google Tenma, you will come up with the test equipment of which I speak.  You will also come up with some fictional character from MANGA that is of a 16 year old girl that is often posed in erotically suggestive ways.  On eBay these statues of her dressed as a school girl and anatomically correct go for $100 plus.  Who buys them is anybody’s guess.  Why they are created is another story all together and the answer would be, supply and demand.

I would also point out that those that shave their pubic areas are probably two steps away from this “child attraction”, as they either like the child like appearance of the shaven genitalia, or; they ah… don’t like hair in their, ah …teeth……  Too racy??   All I am saying is be aware…   This is the slippery slope that we all must look at when we “like or don’t like” something.  You can “man-scape” or “woman-scape..” all you like but, I would challenge you to “know why” you are doing it.   “To thyn own self be true.”

Sex sells and the line of demarcation between art and porn is always moving.  I was looking at some 60’s hobby magazines the other day and could not help but notice the young lady in the bikini on the cover used to sell the magazine to model airplane enthusiast, of the 60’s….

Recently “like this December 2014” Playdough sent out in their toy an extruder that is so phallic in nature that someone had to be blind to not see it.  Let’s think about this.

• It had to be designed and passed by some marketing folks.
• It had to be sent off to someone to make it
• Again it had to be gone over in marketing to design the box cover and associated marketing stuff.
• Someone had to see this in a board room somewhere before it was created and sent to how many stores in the world.
• How this made it to the customer is beyond me.

The bottom line, and this may surprise you, I think that porn has its place in society. 

Like romance novels, porn, skin flicks and the like bring new ideas into your dusty bedroom.  They may start a conversation between you and your spouse or mate or whatever that might surprise the both of you.  Maybe a little spanking or role playing is what you need to get you active again in looking forward to coming home.

These shows on Cinemax are usually lame but if it gets the oxytocin going, what harm is it?  Don’t let your bedroom life become stale as sex is really one of the perks of living.

-Best

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